dear abby:I am a single man over 40 years old. I recently started dating one of my friend “Tom's” ex-girlfriends. We are now becoming more than friends. “Pam” and I have feelings for each other. She and Tom dated for five months and broke up eight months ago.
Am I obligated to ask Tom for permission or am I obligated to tell her I'm seeing her? Pam asked me to find out for myself without telling her. , it happens because we have a lot of friends in common. I want her to respect her choice. But at the same time, as Tom's friend, she also feels it's the right thing to tell him. please let me know. I'm torn between what she wants and what I think is right. — Stuck in the middle of Iowa
dear stack: Please talk to Pam. She explains that she doesn't know how Tom would react if he suddenly saw them arm in arm. He may not care, but it's also possible that he's upset that you're dating and is hiding it. He then tells Pam that considering his friendship with Tom, he prefers to be candid out of respect and doesn't like keeping secrets.
dear abby: My mother passed away a few years ago and left behind many collectibles that were worth reselling. I am the eldest of her five siblings, and I received a lot of help from two of my siblings, “some” help from one brother, and no help at all from the other. I spent the most time and effort moving her collection.
In her later years, my mother told me, “Don't forget about money.'' She was collecting scrap gold, which I sold for $900. I am organizing the remaining inventory without any help from any of my siblings. Am I wrong to not share that cash with them? — Overwhelmed Brothers
Dear overwhelmed: If you were really comfortable with putting money in your pocket, you wouldn't ask me this question. Listen to your conscience and share the proceeds from the sale of precious metals with your brothers. If you remove one of them, you will definitely become estranged.
dear abby:My friend was asked to leave the restaurant after paying the check because there was someone waiting for a table, and was extremely insulted. My position was that people were waiting for dinner so it was polite to leave. He felt that the waitress had no right to ask him to leave the party. What do you think about this? — polite in the east
dear courteous: I talked to Priscilla, Operations Manager at my favorite restaurant in Beverly Hills, about your question. She explained that some restaurants have a 90-minute time limit for customers to leave the restaurant. (For large groups, the maximum time is 120 minutes.)
My take on this is that it's not the server's responsibility to ask a friend to give up the table; manager I should have come and done it. It doesn't have to be an unpleasant interaction. Managers may offer patrons a seat at the bar and a free drink or dessert in the name of good customer relations.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
