Dear Abby: My future nephew just turned 14. We worry about his future because he has elderly parents (his mother was 42 when he was born) and is very unsociable. His mother is more than a helicopter parent and still orders food for him at restaurants. My son is 15 and very unusual. He is mature, has a job, goes to honors classes, and is a social kid who is fun to be around with. I try not to compare my kids because I know that not all kids are the same and frankly there is no comparison.
My fiance and I are worried about what our son's future will be if he is ever to leave his mother's protection. The grandparents are worried too. The problem is that my fiance's sister has an unruly personality and everyone is afraid of her so no one wants to propose because she will immediately shoot down any proposal.
I think it would be a good idea to send my future nephew to a summer camp for kids like him. He needs to gain confidence to do basic things like order his own food at a restaurant. I'm not part of this family yet, so I have no interest in telling others how to raise their children. Can you offer some constructive advice for my fiance's sister? I'm worried he'll lock himself in the basement because he can't do or think for himself. — Future Auntie of Iowa
Dear Aunt: You are not yet part of the family, and you will not be related by blood even after you marry your fiancé. Since his mother is rejecting him, your fiancé and his parents should discuss these concerns with her. Her overprotectiveness may stem from the fact that it took her so long to have a child that she finds it difficult to let go. It may also be due to the slow development of boys. If you and your husband can invite his nephew to go on outings with you and your son after marriage, he may benefit from the experience.
Dear Abby: I was in a dysfunctional marriage for over 10 years and finally divorced my cheating ex-wife. Looking back, it was definitely the best thing that ever happened to me. 20 years later, I still feel angry about the abuse I suffered. We have adult children now and I have to see my ex-wife from time to time due to events in my son's life.
The thought of having to meet face to face makes me feel angry and resentful. We have had conflicts during these events. So how do I move forward? I don't want to hold on to resentment any more. It doesn't help me. Everyone tells me to “forget” and I want to, but I don't know how. Can you give me a map to the country of forget? — Feeling fed up
To the sick person The first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have a problem. Congratulations on taking that important first step. The second step is to find a licensed psychotherapist to talk about the anger and resentment you feel when you have to see your ex-wife. Your doctor or health insurance company can help you find someone who is qualified.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at Dear Abbey or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
