Dear Abby: My 69-year-old mother recently moved closer to where my wife and I live to be closer to us as we age. Overall, this has been great for all of us. My mother is healthy and still very active, taking walks every day and tending to the house and yard. We see her often.
The problem is that she is very resistant to meeting new people or going out without us. She says it’s not worth trying because she’ll never find friends as good as the ones she left. We encouraged her to join a senior center and she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there were “too old.”
I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she said she didn’t want to go anymore. My wife tried to get her to join clubs and volunteer at our kids’ school, but my mother said she didn’t want to be tied down to a schedule. Some of our neighbors have also invited her over to their homes, but she always makes an excuse and declines. I guess they just don’t invite her anymore.
It’s not a big issue now that we’re independent, but I worry that if we don’t get to know people while we’re still active, we’ll end up being their only support when they’re older.
People often ask me if my elderly parents’ personalities are changing due to aging and dementia, but I don’t think that’s the case. My mother has always been shy. Now she’s shy and stubborn. What should I do? Caring for my mother in Chicago
Dear Sir/Madam, My best regards. My first thought is that your mother is not the independent person you described and is totally dependent on you and your wife for social interaction, and that’s not healthy. Any your.
Before she becomes even more isolated, sit her down and tell her directly that you don’t want this to happen and that she needs to make more of an effort to interact with others. Relationships are not replaceable, but she once had a social life and can do so again if she makes an effort.
If he is shy and doesn’t easily converse with strangers, suggest volunteering at an animal shelter so he can get out of the house, interact with other people, and not have to rely solely on you.
Dear Abby: My friend “Sally” has been dating this man for 10 years. Their relationship has been awkward from the start and he just doesn’t seem willing to commit. Become familiar He only spends time with her when it is convenient for him.
He gave Sally a lot of trouble. He had affairs with other women. He said that she knew about it and resented it but he couldn’t tell my friend. I think he is a narcissist. What advice can you give her? Ask a friend
To whom it may concern: Knowing that the most unwanted advice is unsolicited advice, I will wait until the next time Sally complains about the way she has been treated by this man for the last decade and then encourage her to talk to a mental health professional about how to restore her self-esteem.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
