Dear Abby: My sister and I grew up with my dad after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three trucks to empty our two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like. I get so annoyed with clutter. I appreciate a tidy home with some breathing room.
My husband, married for 10 years, understands this in theory. For a long time, he preferred a more modest lifestyle. But recently, with more financial freedom, he started collecting things. First it was comic books, then a mountain of vinyl records. These days, his art supplies seem to be spilling out over the counters and tables. He says his collection is within the realms of normal.
I know I'm overly sensitive about cleaning because of my background, but cleaning is a real pain and I come home to mountains of clutter and I get stressed out over having to move my husband's things out before I can make dinner. We don't have the space for a “man cave.” I'm in counseling, which is helping but not enough. How can I find a reasonable middle ground when I know I may not be being rational? — Occurred in Arkansas
Dear Triggered: Instead of abandoning your marriage and your clutter, you might consider hiring a professional organizer to help you organize and out of sight your husband's comic books, vinyl record collection, art supplies, etc. Other couples have done this successfully when merging two homes, and it could be the solution for you.
Dear Abby: I am a grandmother to three amazing children and am actively involved in all of their activities and attend all important events – from Day 1 onwards. My grandchildren's grandparents are rarely present due to distance and personal reasons.
When other grandparents show up to events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it's treated like a big deal, but my presence is taken for granted. I never get thanked for dropping off the kids at school or sports, taking them on day trips, or accompanying them to pretty much everything. The kids bow down to their absent grandparents every time they show up for something.
Am I being too sensitive? Even if they don't seem special now, will my kids appreciate me someday? — Ready to give up
Dear READY: I know how you feel, but I don't know about your children, but I'm sure your grandchildren will remember all that you have done and continue to do for them, including the countless moments you have shared with them. No matter how extravagant the gifts from other grandparents, they will never compare to the intimate connection they share with you.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
