dear abby: My husband rarely says “thank you” and almost never apologizes when he does something. The other day, I attended a party at work where my family wasn’t invited. I brought home a plate of food for her husband, and when she hinted that it might be nice to be told “thank you”, especially since it was dinner time, her husband told me I refused to thank you.
I had finished my “lunch” at the office a few hours earlier, but I hadn’t brought anything for myself. He said he didn’t feel the need to thank me because he said I would be back and he wasn’t. Even though I told him it’s common courtesy to thank people, he continued to argue and ended up throwing his plate of food across the room. Now he doesn’t apologize for that either. He feels justified in throwing the food.
Abby, my husband is a college professor and highly educated, but he often ignores common courtesy. When we go somewhere, he always walks faster and faster than me. He never says “That’s nice,” and he leaves the house without saying where he’s going. He doesn’t care that I’m upset because he believes he’s right about everything. Throwing food is an extreme example of his behavior, but I’m concerned about his mental state at this point. Please give me advice. — I was never appreciated in New Jersey.
Dear you never thanked me: Your husband’s mental state is fine. What you detailed is not new behavior. The professor is a poor man with years of education and clearly has no intention of changing.I would ask a question your Judgment for you tolerating his rude behavior for a period of time because he repeatedly showed you that your feelings mattered little to him.
dear abby: My sister lost her husband a year ago. She has three adult children of her own, but there is a rift in her relationship with her 30-year-old daughter. I have two daughters and it breaks my heart to imagine what their sister is going through.
My niece was close to her father and told her in front of her sister that he was her father’s person and that she had told him everything. My relationship with her niece is good and she confides in me things that she cannot tell her mother.
I’m debating whether to talk to my niece to understand what the issue with her sister actually is. My niece blames her mother for everything. I don’t know if trying to help will backfire. Help me. — Involved with Aunt in Connecticut
dear aunt: I’m sure you mean it in a good way, but I don’t think it’s helpful to insert yourself as an intermediary between your sister and niece. For some reason, your niece felt more comfortable confiding in her deceased father than your sister. Saying that fact out loud is not “throwing it in someone’s face.”
Your relationship with your daughter is definitely different than your relationship with your sister. If you don’t want to alienate your niece, let the two of you work it out together.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
