Dear Abby: My husband is in his 60s, and his brother, “Al,” who is two years younger, has been living at their mother’s house for the last 35 years. She transferred the property into her husband’s name before he passed away seven years ago. For all this time, Al has repeatedly promised to leave but hasn’t budged. When I try to indicate to my husband that Al might actually have squatter rights, he gets aggressive and threatens me.
Now, my husband is reluctantly starting to realize that Al isn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately, this seems to be making him even more hostile toward me; he’s threatening to kick me out. We’ve been married for 31 years, so he’s aware that if we were to divorce, I’d get half of everything. When I suggested mediation, he kicked our dog in frustration. We even have firearms in the house. He wants a divorce but insists he can’t go through with it. — Anxiety in the East
Dear Anxiety: You’re in a situation that’s far too serious to handle through a letter. Your husband’s behavior is escalating, and it’s crucial to prioritize your safety. The next time he gets violent, it could be you who ends up hurt, not just the dog.
Reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They can connect you with someone who can assist you in finding a safe way out. It’s also wise to consult a lawyer to understand how to protect yourself and report your husband’s threats to the authorities. While he may claim he can’t afford a divorce, your safety is what truly matters.
Dear Abby: My husband is 76 but doesn’t appear to be much older than 60. He has a full head of hair, almost no gray, and looks quite healthy. I’m 71 and feel like I might look older, even though I’m in good health. My hair is gray, which I embrace, but my deep wrinkles and sagging skin give away my age. I appreciate my husband; we’ve been together for 40 years, but he has been a source of stress for me over the years.
Here’s my issue: whenever we go out, strangers are often amazed that he doesn’t “look his age.” I can’t help but feel like they think I’m his mother whenever this happens. Afterward, he can spend days staring at himself in the mirror, reminding me of how lucky I am to have such a handsome husband. His ego has always been fragile, and it seems to be growing. Is there a way to help him regain his confidence? — Mr. Handsome Wife
Dear Wife: From my perspective, people who spend a lot of time looking in mirrors usually do so out of anxiety rather than vanity. When he gets caught up in the mirror, it might be more about him than about what others think. It’s worth considering whether you really feel lucky to have such a handsome husband, or if he just hopes you do. We’re all products of our genetics, and that applies to both of you.
If you’re feeling down about yourself because of those comparisons, maybe have a chat with a dermatologist to discuss some straightforward ways to enhance your self-esteem.
