Dear Abby: Eight years ago, my husband of 26 years had a stroke and his personality changed. At first it was difficult to be with him, but as time went on his old personality returned and things got better.
Two years ago, he finally kicked his longtime prescription drug habit. Our financial situation improved almost overnight (for which I am grateful). However, his personality changed again. This change was not pleasant or easy to deal with. Some days he gets angry when I talk to him about the smallest things, like traffic or the weather.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want him to go back to substance abuse, but I do want us to be best friends again. For at least the past year I have been asking him to go to marriage counseling with me. He says he will but has not made any effort to find a counselor. I want him to choose one because I might accidentally choose someone he knows but doesn't want to talk to because he grew up in the small town we live in.
Should I look for a counselor myself, since I don't think he'll ever make an appointment? I don't want to throw away my 26 year marriage, but there are days when all I can think about is running away. East Coast Sadness
To you who are grieving: I don't know what the source of your husband's anger is, and you won't know until you get to the bottom of it, so don't hesitate to talk to a licensed marriage and family therapist just because your husband is procrastinating.
Make a list of counseling services in your town and surrounding communities, and once you know the names, show the list to your husband and ask him if he knows anyone there, and then book an appointment with one or two of them. more Talk to a therapist and meet with him, and if he refuses to come along, go on your own.
Dear Abby: A while ago, my husband replaced the keyed lock on the front door of our house with a digital lock. Since then, the door has not locked when entering or exiting (it “springs” and does not catch). I have told him it needs to be repaired, but he insists that it “just pulls.” Abby, this door always used to lock. I am very concerned as workers come and go from our house.
My husband is fighting me so hard over this for some reason and I am ready to leave him. I offered to fix the door (with his credit card) if he won't do it. He still refuses. No more! I want a secure front door. What is wrong with me? We have been married for 40 years. Can you recommend a divorce attorney? — Danger in Texas
Dear Insecure People: I don't recommend divorce lawyers. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. Stop fighting with your husband, be proactive and get that damn door fixed. He won't help you, so remember the saying “If you want something done right, do it yourself” and step up and take control.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
