Dear Abby: Our group of friends has stayed tight-knit over the years, but now, after losing many friends, only three of us remain close. One of these friends, Marie, has become increasingly irritable as time passes. When I bring this up, she just responds with, “I just love you!” and while we all care for her, we find ourselves spending less time together.
Marie is divorced and childless, and I’ve often thought about inviting her to live with my family since she’s struggling to manage her home on a limited income. Recently, when my grandchildren were visiting, Marie seemed really on edge, and afterwards, my daughter took the kids out for a long walk, asking me what was up with “auntie.”
Abby, I’m curious about what you think is going on with Marie. One of our other friends mentioned that after that experience with the kids, she has no intention of having them around her again. –– Oregon’s change of heart
Dear Change: You’ve noticed that Marie has become more difficult over time. Let’s consider why that might be. Her behavior might stem from her dissatisfaction with where life has led her. Plus, not everyone feels comfortable around young children—some can hide their discomfort better than others.
I wouldn’t suggest having Marie live with you unless you can offer her a space where she feels comfortable, especially if she struggles around kids. It might be wise to explore affordable, adult-only living options for her instead.
Dear Abby: I’m facing divorce, and honestly, it’s hard for me. My wife and I have been married for eight years, together for nine, with three kids in the mix. I know I made many mistakes with finances and business that broke her trust.
We were trying to resolve things and seemed to agree to make a fresh start. But she moved in with someone else before I got the chance. When I arrived, she simply said, “Sorry, there’s the door.” I’m feeling devastated and angry. She seems to understand my pain, but I can’t get her to open up. How do I let go of this anger and move forward? –– I can’t let you go
Dear Cannot: Based on what you’ve shared, it appears your wife feels just as upset as you do. If she has decided to end the marriage, accepting that is crucial. It might be wise to consult an attorney to navigate your options. Are you employed? Do you have any support? You need to ensure those kids are taken care of until you’re on your feet.
Consider seeking help from a mental health professional to work through your anger and manage day-to-day life. I can’t say whether addressing this should be a priority for you in the immediate term or not.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was initially established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more, visit www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
