Dear Abby: My father was not a good person. He abused his wife and children, and both of my sisters suffered sexual abuse at his hands. He was a constant bully, always finding ways to belittle us and disregard our achievements. Honestly, no one in the family is mourning his absence. For many of us, it’s a relief to move forward.
Still, one of my sisters wants to throw a big party marking the 10th anniversary of his death. She’s imagining a vibrant dinner at a fancy restaurant, followed by a gathering at her house, complete with a game where we throw darts at his photos.
I will never miss our father, and I get why she feels such intense anger. But I really don’t want to be part of any celebration like that, and I’m the only sibling who feels this way. We believe it’s time to heal and that celebrating his death isn’t helping anyone.
She’s made it clear that if we don’t attend, she’ll see it as a lack of support and cut us off completely. What are your thoughts? Should we go to her event or skip it? – It’s beyond that in Florida
Beyond that, dear: You and your brother are lucky to be able to move on from the trauma caused by your father. Your sister, however, doesn’t seem to have had that opportunity yet. If you decide to skip this “Day Day” party, she shouldn’t threaten to cut you off. It sounds like she could really benefit from some therapy, and hopefully, she’ll reach out for help eventually. If she keeps going down this path, she risks isolating herself from her family.
Dear Abby: I’m a 36-year-old mother of four who recently started dating a 28-year-old man, the youngest I’ve ever been with. Typically, I go for older guys. After a long relationship of 12 years with my child’s father, which ended when he left me for someone else, I was pretty broken. I didn’t date for two years while I worked on myself, and then this younger guy came along, and I’ve fallen for him.
He doesn’t have kids and doesn’t fit the mold of what society expects me to be with, but we share a strong love. I’ve kept our relationship a secret from my family, mostly out of fear of what they might think. Should I come clean and introduce him, or keep him “hidden”? – In Southern Love
Loved person: Hiding him doesn’t reflect well on either of you. At your age, you should feel empowered to live your life openly. The age difference isn’t that significant, so you shouldn’t let it weigh on you. If the concern is cultural or racial differences, then be prepared to stand your ground. You shouldn’t hide your love just because it might not fit someone else’s expectations.
