Dear Abby: Three years ago, my father took his own life. At first, my sister was there for me, but then she got our mother drunk and shared unkind comments about both of us. Mom didn’t cut that conversation short, which I found out later from other family members.
I’ve distanced myself from my sister, who has struggled with alcoholism for years. She’s caused chaos during family gatherings when intoxicated and misused money I entrusted her with for car repairs. I want to confront her, but I’m certain she would just deny her actions, likely turning it into a situation where she tries to make me look bad. I really can’t deal with that.
I also deal with severe recurrent depression and anxiety. Discovering my dad after his suicide was an experience that has lingered heavily with me. It feels like my sister, who doesn’t grasp the weight of this, just adds to my burdens.
Should I reach out to her to explain why I didn’t respond after our father’s death? (She prefers texting over calls.) – Son/Brother in Michigan
Dear Son/Brother: I’m truly sorry to hear about your father’s passing. I can’t even begin to imagine the trauma that has caused you. It’s crucial to understand that your sister is struggling with her own issues. If others have told you about her harmful comments, it’s clear they don’t want that kind of negativity directed towards you. I would advise against confronting her directly; there’s little chance she will change. Instead, focus on your own healing and seek support for yourself. It’s important to keep yourself away from her negativity.
Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 40 years. Her 42-year-old son moved in with us four months ago, and he’s never held a job. I’m currently supporting him. Just tonight, my wife reminded me to take out the trash before the early pick-up. I suggested her son could do it since he just sleeps all day and eats all night. Her response was that he was already in bed, so I went ahead and took out the trash myself. As I was doing this, he walked past me to go outside for a cigarette (which I paid for). Am I wrong to feel angry about this? My wife thinks I am. – Frustrated in North Dakota
Frustrated: You mention your stepson is 42, and you’ve been married to his mother since he was two. Who was responsible for raising him? Was his father involved? Are there other issues at play that you didn’t mention? Why hasn’t he sought a job to help with his living situation?
Your wife should have addressed the situation, perhaps waking him up to help with the trash. You have every right to be upset in this circumstance, but it’s also important to communicate your feelings constructively and advocate for yourself.
If you’re facing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, please consider reaching out to 988 or visiting 988lifeline.org.
