I’m managing a team of six experienced professionals who generally get along. However, tensions are rising due to a particular situation. “Lauren,” who lives alone with her dogs, has been taking time off to care for her sick pet. One of her dogs, aged 11, was unwell, and I informed her that she would need to use vacation days for vet visits.
Now, Lauren wants to take bereavement leave because her dog has passed. When I denied her request, she reacted strongly, alleging unfair treatment since another employee, “Jenny,” had been granted bereavement leave earlier this year.
It’s important to note that Jenny’s situation was tragic—her young son tragically drowned. She was devastated and unable to function for weeks. Comparing those two situations feels, well, off. Still, Lauren continues to reference Jenny’s loss while discussing her own grief over her dog, creating quite the awkward atmosphere among the team. HR has no plans to intervene.
While I understand Lauren’s affection for her dog, I believe she owes Jenny an apology and should reconsider how to handle her grief. I can’t help but wonder if it’s too much to expect adults to recognize the distinctions between humans and pets and behave accordingly.
I’ve got further thoughts on how this might be handled, but it appears that HR’s inaction is connected to the lack of a policy on pets.
Switching topics, an older reader wrote about life in their one-floor apartment with a wife who has multiple health issues. Despite being healthy himself, his wife struggles with balance and motor skills and refuses physical therapy. She’s increasingly dissatisfied with home cooking, preferring to eat out, which is both costly and inconvenient. She’s even mentioned moving to a senior living facility where meals are provided.
He expressed frustration over this situation, especially after he suggested that they shouldn’t make these changes. This led to a period of silence from his wife, who is now contemplating a big transition. After 55 years together, he’s feeling anger to the point of considering divorce. He’s at a crossroads, unsure of how to proceed.
My advice? They should likely consult with a CPA or attorney about their options. If possible, a living arrangement allowing her some independence while he stays in their home might be best. It’s essential to remember, though, their aging isn’t synchronized. This complicates the dynamic significantly, and perhaps they need to treat each other with empathy, as they would wish for themselves under the same conditions.
