Parental Guidance and Emotional Validity
Many parents prioritize their children’s safety and well-being, but too much intervention can hinder kids’ ability to solve problems on their own. Therapist Raquel Hopkins shares her concerns about the current culture that promotes an overly comforting approach.
A popular notion circulating these days is that “all emotions are valid.”
“I’ve heard that mantra repeatedly,” Hopkins states. “And it’s important to consider what ‘valid’ really means. It implies some degree of truth. For instance, if something is valid, it corresponds with reality, but that doesn’t always apply to our feelings.” As Blaze TV host Allie Beth Stuckey points out, Hopkins emphasizes the importance of understanding this distinction.
Hopkins recalls a conversation with her school’s social-emotional learning (SEL) director, who indicated that she teaches kindergarteners this phrase. “I thought about it and felt uneasy; I wouldn’t want my 5-year-old thinking that her jealousy towards her sister or her difficulty sharing is justified,” she reflected.
Agreeing with Stuckey, Hopkins shares her approach: “I don’t endorse the idea that all emotions are valid either. I encourage my kids to express themselves while also navigating how to understand their feelings and how to progress from there.”
She argues that fostering this type of thinking in children might be simpler than parents anticipate, as opportunities to teach arise organically.
“For example, if your child returns home upset because of bullying, your immediate reaction shouldn’t be to say, ‘I’m so sorry, that’s unfair,’” she advises Stuckey, recounting her own experience when her son faced bullying. “Instead, I didn’t dwell on the pain of not being understood; I told him that he needs to learn how to cope with what life throws his way.”
Hopkins feels that many discussions surrounding mental health today overlook a crucial aspect.
“The spiritual dimension really isn’t addressed,” she asserts.
“If I’m made in God’s image, and created in a wonderfully complex manner, then I need to learn how to accept my own life circumstances. That doesn’t necessarily equate to being compassionate all the time,” she concluded in her conversation with Stuckey.
