Dear Abby: I have a friend named “Laurie” who I’ve known for a long time. She often tries to bring my husband and me along to hang out, but I don’t fully trust her, so I usually say no. (I do trust my husband, though.)
Even though we’ve supported each other in tough times, I can’t shake the discomfort about Laurie being involved with a married man or someone in a committed relationship. Sometimes I think about talking to these men, but I generally keep my distance and stay out of it. It’s really weighing on me, and I sometimes wonder if I should end our friendship. But then again, I feel like friends should stick together. Can you help? – Anxious in the East
Dear Anxiety: Your friend Laurie clearly has issues with boundaries. Since you feel uneasy about the idea of all of you hanging out, maybe it’s best to trust your instincts and keep things separate. If you’re thinking about ending the friendship, it’s likely because you disapprove of her choices, so it might be worth telling her how you feel. She needs to know.
Dear Abby: Every year, without fail, we get holiday cards from friends. They’re always filled with funny stories and updates about their family, but what’s frustrating is I’m left off the envelope. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years, and she knows I exist—I even attended her wedding! Our husbands are also close friends.
Last year, my husband finally voiced how much this hurt me, and while she seemed surprised, he promised it would be fixed for next year. But when the next card came, I was left out again.
This really bothers me. I feel like I’ve been excluded too many times, and it stings. It feels kind of mean-spirited, and I can’t understand why she does this. Part of me wants to send cards to her family but leave her name off. What do you think? – I left in Wyoming
Dear Leave: It might be time to pick up the phone. Relying on your husband to handle it won’t likely change anything. Ask her directly why she seems to forget to include you and your spouse in her greeting cards. If she continues to ignore you, it’ll be clear she lacks class, and you might want to limit your interactions with her.
