Dear Abby: My husband battled illness for six years, including some dementia, and ultimately, things changed drastically for us. I dedicated myself to caring for him throughout his decline until he decided to take his own life.
After he passed away, I uncovered some truths. He hadn’t been completely open about his situation—perhaps he felt embarrassed or wanted to shield us from something more serious. There were also troubling family secrets he kept hidden, and he altered his estate plans without my knowledge. All these revelations made me question not just our marriage but also how much he really considered how his actions would affect me.
I understand his choice came from his own fears, shame, and disease, rather than my worth. However, I hesitate to share this with anyone, particularly for the sake of my adult children’s feelings toward their father. I don’t want to navigate their confusion or hurt. It feels unfair, and I worry that it might make it hard to trust again. Do you have any advice? — Keeping secrets in New England
Dear Parents: I’m sorry to hear about your loss. From your letter, it seems your marriage faced difficulties due to hidden family issues in addition to your husband’s declining health. My advice is to bring an end to these secrets. Sharing the truth with your children can help maintain their respect for their father. Whether or not people around you comprehend the situation isn’t as important as your need to be truthful.
It’s also crucial to consult a mental health professional. They can help you escape from this web of lies and guide you on how to move forward in a healthier way.
Dear Abby: My family has deep American roots. While we have some ancestry tied to Europe, our identification with that heritage has been pretty loose. Recently, my husband and I discussed potential names for our future kids and both expressed a desire to name our son after his great-grandfather. His name was Jack, consistently pronounced as “Jack.”
If I choose to go with this name, I want to honor that spelling. However, I feel somewhat strange about pronouncing it with a French accent since I don’t identify as French and lack the accent. Is it acceptable to use the French spelling but stick to the American pronunciation? — Future plans for South Carolina
To all the planners: As a parent, the name you give your son ultimately comes down to your choice. If you decide to officially name him Jack, that will be his legal name. You can always pronounce it as “Jack” as you prefer. Once he’s in school, just make sure to inform the teachers about the pronunciation.
