It’s often said that love hinges on communication, and not just on loud outbursts.
A conversation on Reddit generated quite a bit of discussion when users shared their frustration over partners frequently asking them to “lower the volume.”
One user, going by U/FARTS2LONG, took to the well-known r/AmItheAsshole forum to explain their relationship concern, noting that when they get into discussions, their voices unintentionally get louder.
“When I’m passionate about something, I tend to speak a bit louder than I normally would,” they shared.
They added, “It’s not really screaming; it’s just that my energy levels rise. Unfortunately, I often don’t even notice I’m doing it.”
Still, their partners seem less than thrilled with this elevated volume.
The original poster mentioned that their significant others often say they need to “just tone it down.” They admitted that while it’s probably not meant to be rude, it does make them feel overlooked.
The post garnered over 12,000 upvotes and sparked a variety of opinions. One sentiment echoed was, “I don’t want to feel discouraged to share things I’m excited about,” which the poster expressed.
Some Reddit users sided with the partners, stating their requests were reasonable, while others emphasized the importance of empathy and communication.
One commenter noted, “It’s great that you want to share your interests, but when your partner is trying to engage with you and it feels like they’re almost yelling, it can be tough to connect.”
Another shared, “You have every right to your feelings, but consider how your voice might be affecting them too.”
In discussion with Newsweek, relationship expert Angelika Koch from the LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi highlighted the significance of timing and tone when addressing someone else’s volume levels.
“It can feel embarrassing to let someone know they’re being too loud, even if the intent is good,” she commented. “Most people aren’t aware when their voice increases.”
Koch suggested that couples could use discreet signals or gentle touches to subtly point out the issue, indicating that this might help them become more self-aware over time.
“This approach works best when the individual doesn’t feel personally attacked,” she added.
For those aiming for smoother conversations, psychotherapist Amy Morin offered some phrases to use. She stated that mentally strong couples often navigate discussions by incorporating empathetic language.
Examples include, “I might get upset if you ask me to stop,” or “Your feelings are understandable.”
The key? Focus on empathy, accountability, and arriving at solutions together.
Morin stated that assuming responsibility for one’s own part makes it more likely for the partner to reciprocate, allowing both to channel their energy into figuring out the issue.
Ultimately, it’s about finding ways to manage volume without stifling expression.
