The adults finally showed up at college campuses

Columbia University canceled its graduation ceremony because of the wave of anti-Israel camps that sprang up like a post-spring break urinary tract infection. Now protesters won’t be able to throw keffiyehs into the air and make the entire campus look like a Pizza Hut tablecloth.

This comes after the school called on the school to cancel finals and hand out passing scores so that students are not traumatized by the damage they have caused. There are also some revolutionaries. It’s like giving Che Guevara the bill to have his beret dry cleaned. But last week, the person we’ve all been waiting for finally showed up. Adults. do you remember? They used to run things, not just pay the bills.

And what we saw was a battle between two forces: the dad brain and the internet brain. Internet brains are the type of people who are easily influenced by nonsense on the internet. It’s like a wet brain, but without the joy of earning it with Jack Daniel’s. Internet brain is campus brain, social media brain, and Karen brain, all connected by anger and sobbing snot. The father’s brain reacts to this by saying, “Okay, you’ve heard enough. Now do your homework.” And over the last few years, kids have been infected with the internet brain, and now they’re unleashing it on us. Your internet brain tells you that you are entitled to a world that fulfills your every desire.

Your internet brain will tell you that the abstract issues there are more important than your responsibilities here. Internet brains will tell you that instead of studying for your final exam, you should pitch a tent on the campus lawn, chant slogans about ancient conflicts you know less about than your actual major, and demand a passing grade anyway. . And if we do that out loud, a country of 9 million people on the other side of the world will disappear.

But what if, for example, the babysitter lets you stay way past bedtime? The fun and play ends when dad gets home. Dad is patient but not that patient. Something like that. So the father’s brain and the internet’s brain. And as we all know, after all the crying threats and demands, dad will win, kids. So please stop spanking me.

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Let’s compare the internet brain and the daddy brain. When nonsense gets out of hand, dad brains legislate. No mother has ever made her kids stand in line and said, “Wait until the non-binary community organizer gets home.” Dad’s brain lives in a world of paying bills, changing tires, and mowing the lawn. Until the important things are done. On the other hand, there are strong opinions on the internet brain about building carbon-neutral tree forts, written by people too weak to raise a hammer. Instead of focusing on their own problems, internet brains magnify the problem by saying that the world’s problems are their problems. Dad’s brain says no, Hamas is not your beef, give mom a card and flowers for her Mother’s Day.

Anti-Israel demonstrators gather in Washington Square Park on Friday, May 3, 2024, in New York City. NYU’s Palestine Solidarity Coalition is hosting a demonstration as campus protests continue to spread across the United States. (Rashid Umar Abbasi, Fox News Digital)

The internet brain has big problems she can’t deal with, like climate change, the Middle East, and global inequality. Dad’s brain knows that such obsessions create anxiety and tells him to stop giving her lectures on Marxism in Peru. Did you pay your phone bill? Internet brains also make children compare their lives to others, creating envy that leads to mental distress.

Dad’s brain says I know Kelly and Ashley went to Aspen for spring break, but we’re going to your grandma’s. You know, that kind grandma who might not be here in a few years? Your dad’s brain sees what your inner brain is doing to you. It drives you crazy, like a bad boyfriend. And dad’s brain doesn’t force discipline so much as call it ***.

Most of these kids know that their cause and endeavors are all a show. It’s like a school play in that it’s poorly directed, boring, and parents tolerate rather than enjoy it. In fact, many of them want their father’s brain to keep them in line.

So who would show up after weeks of cosplaying as Hamas? Yes, adults. University officials, like the president of the University of Southern California, told their kids, “The fun is over.” As a result, USC was eliminated twice without any injuries or riots, which understandably disappointed most of the media.

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There are also enough responsible adults in Florida that students are told that their school is “not a daycare center.” It’s your father’s brain. I’m also surprised they didn’t yell at me for touching the thermostat or threaten to turn this car around. Of course, the cops were the big brains here. There were no shootings or serious injuries, and his father had the patience he had with the kid. So, when I look around the campus now, I feel like my dad’s brain is back. Even SNL, a show that adapts as quickly as The Dodo, was forced to admit that the dads were right to call BS about the protests.

SNL skit

not bad. At least the show is moving in an unfamiliar direction of humor. So since internet brains are blaming fossil fuels, you need to get your dad to teach you to buy a car with better gas mileage. Just as your internet brain tells you to eat bugs to save the planet, your dad’s brain has to tell you to eat all your peas.

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And when the internet brain says trans women should play in women’s sports, the dad brain says cool, let’s arm wrestle for the car keys. You see, the dad brain is more than just a party scumbag obsessed with results. The father loves his children enough that he makes sure that they stop embarrassing themselves in public. Because the choice is between a father’s brain or no brain at all.