Platonic co-parenting, a scenario where individuals are not romantically involved yet share parenting responsibilities, is gaining popularity. More and more aspiring parents are turning to apps that help connect them with others interested in such non-traditional arrangements.
Modamily, a leading matchmaking platform for potential co-parents, has seen a significant spike in its user base this year, growing from 100,000 in January to around 150,000 in August—an increase of about 50,000 users. In 2020, the platform had only about 30,000 users. Founder Ivan Fatovic mentioned that approximately 2,000 new members are joining every month.
“When we started 15 years ago, it was a bit unusual, drawing a lot of attention,” Fatovic remarked. “Now, it’s much more common, and it’s only going to keep growing.”
Other co-parenting platforms, like CoParents.com, are also experiencing similar growth, with their user numbers climbing 25% since the start of the year, reaching about 160,000 members globally.
Co-parenting setups vary widely. Some arrangements involve friends who want children but aren’t interested in a romantic relationship, while others are shaped by concerns about the emotional turmoil of divorce that they witnessed in their parents. There are also those who wish to have kids but are too engrossed in their careers or feel pressed by biological clocks, seeking an efficient way to start a family.
Generally, what ties these co-parents together is that they aren’t in love, nor are they sexually involved, but they work together to raise their children as a cohesive family unit.
“People still want a partner to have children with and someone who can help share the financial and time responsibilities to create a positive environment for their kids—all while still enjoying personal pursuits,” Fatovic stated.
Traditionally, these arrangements might have been established through personal connections or classified ads. However, the internet and social media have transformed how these alliances are formed, making it much simpler.
This is how Zachary Sahuk and Amanda Roos—a 35 and 47-year-old duo from Texas—met. They now co-parent two children and are expecting a third, conceived via in vitro fertilization, yet they don’t have a romantic relationship and live in separate homes on a large ranch.
“She’s one of my best friends, like family,” Sahuk expressed. “Though our relationship isn’t romantic or sexual, we’ve created a special family to raise our kids together.”
The two connected through Modamily in 2019. Sahuk had a challenging upbringing, and Roos ended a long-term relationship when she turned 40. They conducted interviews to assess their parenting philosophies and what both wanted from the arrangement.
“I tried to identify any potential issues that might arise in a relationship and tested our compatibility,” Sahuk explained, noting they had a series of conditions to agree upon before moving forward.
“It’s like flipping the script on traditional relationships,” he continued. “In a typical dating scenario, the first date feels like a job interview, where everyone’s trying to put their best foot forward. But I showed her my vulnerabilities and flaws right from the start, asking if she could handle it.”
Ultimately, they decided they were compatible and now live across from each other, sharing space for their kids. With Sahuk traveling often for work, Roos takes care of the children most of the time, yet he steps in when he returns home.
“It’s normal for our family to come together for fun or activities, and the kids have their individual lives when I’m not around,” he humorously likened Roos to “the best ex-wife a man could ask for.”
While more people like Sahuk are exploring these apps for connections, he doesn’t necessarily believe it indicates a growing interest in platonic co-parenting arrangements. Rather, he argues that it’s a matter of people who have always been out there finally having a venue to find one another.
“I think this trend is more evident now,” he added. “It feels intentional, rather than a straightforward reflection of circumstances, given that divorces happen daily and people face heartache often. The concept of doing this intentionally is a refreshingly modern idea for many.”
