Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I met “Donnie” a year and a half ago. For some time, we were both happy. But then, every Friday, Donnie would find excuses to head to the bar across the street. He’d come back looking drunk, and we would confront him about it. He was such a great guy when he was sober, but he seemed to vanish every weekend. I did my best to help him, but his drinking had spiraled into something more serious.

A few months back, he came over and started acting strangely. He went into my bathroom, and after some time, I found him on the floor, kneeling. It looked like he had taken something. The next morning, when I tried to wake him, he was gone. I called 911 and attempted CPR, but it was too late.

Now, I’m left with this overwhelming guilt. If I had only tried to wake him up sooner, maybe he would still be here. I’m on medication and feel stuck at home, struggling to move on. It just doesn’t seem possible. Any advice? – Stuck in New Hampshire

Dear Stuck: You shouldn’t feel guilty about this. Donnie’s death wasn’t your fault; his dealer provided him with something too powerful for him to handle. In fact, if you hadn’t invited him over, he might have died alone somewhere else. It’s understandable that you’re having difficulty with this guilt, and if the medication isn’t helping, consider speaking to a mental health professional. You have my sympathy for the loss of someone you cared about.

Another Letter

Dear Abby: My stepmother drives me crazy. It all started when our son—her only grandchild—was born. She’s completely obsessed with him. We live in different states, but during visits, she constantly pressures him to stay with her for weeks at a time.

She shares her opinions loudly about schools and extracurriculars, often interrupting everyone else without regard for their feelings. For instance, I was offered the opportunity to lead a local nonprofit, and instead of support, she sneered at the idea.

I do encourage my son to spend time with her, even though I’m not keen on seeing her myself. He’s not really comfortable visiting without both his father and me. My husband, her only child, is trying to mediate but feels caught between us. How do I navigate this tricky relationship? – Needle in Connecticut

Dear Needle: If your son doesn’t want to go, you shouldn’t feel pressured to send him to visit your husband’s mother. Your husband might struggle to set boundaries with her, so it may fall to you to communicate that visits will only happen when your son is part of a family group. When she reacts—because she likely will—be polite yet firm.