“My baby has two fathers…I chose neither,” reads the caption of a video shared by Shane McAnally. In the clip, McAnally’s husband, Michael Boehm, playfully asks their baby son, “Which do you want, dada or pop?” When their son calls out “mama,” both men chuckle, but the mood shifts when the baby starts crying, prompting Boehm to say, “Mommy’s not here.”
The video soon sparked a backlash. Rather than finding it humorous, many viewers expressed distress, deeming the situation cruel and concerning.
Examining the Costs
The couple clearly intended for this moment to be light-hearted, and it likely would have been seen that way in the past. However, reactions now indicate a growing awareness of the broader implications of family transformations in recent years. Notably, the emotional cost to children born via surrogacy, who may never know their biological parents, is increasingly coming under scrutiny.
People have been raising concerns about this issue for years, often facing accusations of bigotry. It’s important to discuss methods to advocate for the most vulnerable among us—these innocent children.
1. Overturn Obergefell v. Hodges
Historically, marriage has been recognized as a bond between a man and a woman, aimed at fostering family life based on complementarity and permanence. Only recently have we began to challenge this belief, first with the sexual revolution and then through the legalization of same-sex marriage in Obergefell v. Hodges.
Emerging research indicates the traditional view may in fact be correct: children benefit from having both mothers and fathers. A substantial study revealed that children in single-parent or cohabiting families generally experienced poorer outcomes across various metrics, including the risk of abuse.
Furthermore, another report highlighted that children raised by same-sex couples frequently encounter greater emotional, social, and academic struggles.
To foster better outcomes for children, returning to the traditional view of marriage should be our first step.
2. Prohibit Commercial Surrogacy
Surrogacy commercializes the creation of life, providing scant legal safeguards for the children involved. This practice often separates kids from their biological mothers, reducing both mothers and children to mere means of fulfilling desires, lacking due respect for their individual dignity.
In many surrogacy contracts, complex terms regarding pregnancy, childbirth, and custody are stipulated. Surrogates may feel pressured to comply with the intended parents’ wishes concerning the pregnancy, including potentially disagreeable decisions like abortion.
While a surrogate technically maintains autonomy over her body, the contractual obligations can impose substantial stress, especially when ethical dilemmas arise. The worth of children often gets sidelined in these discussions, treating them instead as negotiable commodities.
The ethical challenges stemming from the tension between autonomy and coercion in surrogacy arrangements deserve more attention.
Despite the rapid global growth of this industry, with projections suggesting it may surpass $120 billion by 2032, some nations like France and Germany have taken steps to either ban or tightly regulate surrogacy. The United States should follow suit; we can’t allow a system that commodifies children to persist.
3. Uphold Children’s Legal Rights to Parents
The decline of marriage paired with the rise of surrogacy points to an inclination to favor adult desires over children’s needs. According to Katie Faust, president of the advocacy group Them Before Us, the supposed advantages for adults often come at the expense of kids. When marriage’s foundations weaken, so do the rights of mothers and fathers.
It’s an intuitive truth that children should ideally be raised by their biological parents. This right must be embedded in our laws, with adoption and reproductive practices restructured to prioritize children rather than fulfilling adult aspirations.
Societal attitudes that promote fatherless households in adoption and foster care should be reconsidered, as they risk viewing children merely as symbols of lifestyle choices. Legally, courts need to weigh the long-term impacts on children, not just the adults involved.
A Unique Role
I feel a deep sense of sadness watching the young boy in McAnally’s video reach out for a mother he may never know. As a parent of both a toddler and an infant, I witness the distinct and beautiful ways my husband and I fulfill our children’s needs. It’s easy to acknowledge in theory that children require both a mother and a father, but living it every day reveals the profound reliance they have on each of us.
There are times when my kids come to me for comfort, a nurturing presence that feels instinctual. Then there are moments where they turn to their father for strength or play, responding to a type of guidance that only he can provide.
Both roles are irreplaceable and vital. The real question remains: how many more children will endure hardships before we restore the importance of having both mothers and fathers in family life?
