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So with the appointment of Trump and his Vice President, J.D. Vance, America woke up today to the existence of two white men who may be running this country for the next four years. That means we get two Hitlers for the price of one. So what is going on? Why are evil white men not only topping the polls but also growing minority voters like Joy Behar growing chins? At this point, thanks to these two evil white men, the Democratic Party looks as organized as a 7-Eleven robbery.
The truth is, there are important differences between the left and the right that go beyond policy, and that’s why all types of people are moving to the Republican Party. The right, deep down, loves America. They’re not afraid to show it. They stand for the national anthem, they love the military, they see America as a force for good, and they get satisfaction from family, country, and of course this show. But the left is as miserable as Morning Joe when Micah is on a diet, or Micah when Joe is on his period. There are warriors on both sides, sure. But at least the right is a happy warrior. That’s why we’re winning. And because of Trump, the Republican Party is rejuvenated.
On the second day of the Republican National Convention (RNC) held at the Fiserv Forum in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA on July 16, 2024, Republican presidential candidate and former US President Donald Trump applauds a gesture by Republican vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance. (Reuters/Elisabeth Franz)
Look at the reaction to an assassination attempt as an example of the difference between the two. Think about it. When someone they hate gets shot, they are the ones who suffer the consequences, including many who wish the shooter hadn’t failed. But what happens when our candidate gets shot? Everyone chants “USA!”. Trump gets hit over the head with an AK bullet, and, full of defiance and love for his country, he starts looking for someone to eat the stink. Of course, that’s what he meant when he said “fight.” He meant fighting for this place, for the founding principles of this place, the freedom of this place, the strength of this place, not for the damn synonyms of this place.
After assassination attempt, Trump leads Biden in Democratic states: poll
Now imagine the opposite. Imagine if Joe lost one of his hair plugs. He’d end up in Walter Reed Hospital for a month. What a contrast. One president has blood oozing out of his ears, while the other needs a miracle ear. You could bandage Trump’s entire head like a mummy and he’d still be more aware of his surroundings than old Joe. And Biden rallies? They’re very boring, sad places. They’re high school gyms where everyone acts like they’re getting a doctor’s appointment, like a cross between Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Kevorkian.
Meanwhile, Trump’s rallies were big and fun, and people were saddened when there was a shooting. But they also moved on. They couldn’t defeat them. Trump faced metaphorical bullets, and now literal ones, and he’s gotten stronger. And he’s always smiling. A real smile, too, not like Biden’s skeleton smile since the plastic surgeon stapled his ears behind his head. Circumstances have molded Trump into a stronger being, and into someone who enjoys it. All the while, the media has tried to portray him as a wimp. Oh, look, he fell. It was just a loud noise. Oh, it was probably glass? If these people had covered the Hindenburg, they would have told us that someone was just lighting a fart on fire. But if it had happened to Biden, the media would be crying like Chris Christie when the McRib was abolished.
Meanwhile, the legal battle against Trump is collapsing like a Lizzo toilet seat. I love the word toilet, but what can I say? Americans of all stripes thought it was bullshit. So doesn’t the timing of all this seem to mean something? Biden’s pathetic debate, the shooting that happened when Trump just shook his head, the end of the paper prosecution, and today’s conviction of Menendez. You see how corrupt Democrats allowed a man accused of being an agent of a foreign power to stay on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and be briefed on classified information during his trial. Democrats, maybe it’s time to ask yourself: is this all going to happen when God or some other force of justice is on the other side? Because in this movie, we are the good guys and the Democrats finally know they are the bad guys and payback is coming this November.
So if you doubt this, just look at the supporters on each side. Trump supporters are happy old men ready to fight, of course, but happy. Meanwhile, the other side’s supporters are hysterical, fear-stricken depressants who are as unhappy as Jerry Nadler’s belt buckle. But the right-wing celebrities are brandishing weapons and enjoying the fight.
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Finally, look at the name of Trump’s deputy communications director. Her name is Caroline Sunshine. This is really her name. Could there be a happier name than Caroline Sunshine? She even looks like Caroline Sunshine. And yet, it’s no surprise that Joe’s name is Biden, because that’s all he’s doing. It’s Biden time.
