Valerie Bertinelli on Dating and Narcissism

This week, Valerie Bertinelli shared her thoughts on the dating scene, revealing she’s taking her time re-entering it. She mentioned that she actively looks for signs of narcissism when meeting potential partners.

During her podcast episode of “Getting Naked,” specifically on “Know Your Narcissist,” Bertinelli reflected on her experiences with narcissism in relationships. She admitted that it took her some time to recognize these traits until she observed them in the wider world, particularly influenced by a volatile political atmosphere.

Expressing her desire not to name names or throw anyone under the bus, the “One Day at a Time” actress spoke about her experiences which made her question her self-worth. She noted that it’s crucial to be aware of those signs and emphasized a point made by psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula: “If we know who we are, we can be more resolute against narcissists.” The conversation highlighted that involvement in narcissistic relationships often strips one of their identity.

Bertinelli admitted to losing herself in previous relationships to the extent that loved ones felt the need to check in on her. She often prioritized making her partner happy over her own well-being, thinking, “I can make them happy if I work hard enough.”

When Dr. Durvasula mentioned that the desire for intimate relationships is a natural human instinct, Bertinelli joked about her current hesitance, lightening the mood a bit.

Delving deeper, Dr. Durvasula pointed out that narcissism is rooted in insecurity, while Bertinelli noted her observations about narcissists often projecting confidence. They can have traits such as low empathy, arrogance, and a sense of entitlement.

Bertinelli shared that she’s aware of the manipulative behaviors associated with narcissism, including gaslighting and rage, which can deeply affect one’s sense of self.

Being careful to reflect on her own experiences, she expressed that she wanted her insights to help listeners avoid similar pitfalls in relationships. She humorously pointed out how important it was to recognize various types of narcissists for her own protection.

During their discussion, Bertinelli recounted past instances where she was made to feel guilty for prioritizing her son. This, according to Dr. Durvasula, is an example of the lack of empathy often exhibited by narcissists, who fail to understand different kinds of love.

Reflecting on her own journey, Bertinelli remarked that her recent experiences have left her feeling quite apprehensive about dating again. After her second marriage ended in 2022 and a subsequent relationship concluded just months later, she admitted, “I’ve been through it twice. It’s just scary.” She realized after writing her memoir that she had undervalued her inner strength and the ability to reject negativity from others.

Having been married to musician Eddie Van Halen and later to Tom Vitale, who she described as emotionally abusive, her reflections have led her to focus on self-acceptance and the importance of setting boundaries.

Ultimately, Bertinelli’s journey is one of growth and learning. She’s keen on navigating the dating landscape more cautiously, especially after enduring past relationships marked by manipulation and emotional turmoil. As she continues to explore her own resilience and boundaries, her story serves as a reminder that self-awareness is key.