The source of all our problems is the Apple Watch right in front of us and on too many of our wrists.
Apple Watch is no good. It's really the worst. That is an abomination. It is a crime against nature.
The urgent desire to know all these detailed indicators about our body all day long is not mentally healthy.
If you want to pinpoint the moment when everything started to fall into place, you might want to look to the launch date of the first Apple Watch. Once that threshold was crossed, everything started to slide.
OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit.
The Apple Watch is not a crime against humanity. That's not the worst thing in the world. But that's not good. This will anger many people who have fallen for the Apple Watch bandwagon, but someone has to tell the truth about this pointless device.
techno-communist
Apple Watch is ugly. No one in their right mind would try to convince you that this nondescript black cube dangling from your wrist is elegant or attractive. It's not fun to look at or wear. Not strong or powerful in any understandable sense. It's nothing at all. Aesthetically, it's almost non-existent.
Does men or women look worse when wearing an Apple Watch? It's hard to tell. Either one looks equally ridiculous. It looks unnecessarily geeky. The sleek black front and touchscreen tap sounds make it look more like something special for Del Boca Vista enthusiasts than 1986 retro-futurism. He looks more like Rick Moranis from Spaceballs than Harrison Ford from Blade Runner.
For men, a fragile aesthetic does not exude any strength. He is so particular about it that it becomes annoying. It feels almost androgynous, or techno-communist, for lack of a better word.
Traditionally, there are two types of men's watches. Formal and elegant watches and rough and rugged watches. The Apple Watch is neither of those things. That's the secret ugly third thing.
It's disorganized and every outfit looks disorganized. Jeans, flannel shirts, and boots look strong. Adding an Apple Watch seems confusing. A sport coat, poplin button-down, or khaki chinos look classic. Adding an Apple Watch looks weird.
femininity killer
For women, the size and shape of the Apple Watch looks horribly ungainly and unfeminine. No woman's wrist looks delicate and beautiful when wearing an Apple Watch. Women experience the same bland androgynous effects that men experience.
Women's watches should be small and delicate. Must be classy. It should suit her wrist size and exude some kind of feminine elegance. It should feel like a jewel.
The Apple Watch the woman is wearing looks like an ankle monitor after she's released from prison, or some kind of laboratory monitoring device worn in hospitals when she's knocking on death's door.
I've seen women wearing dresses, heels, and Apple Watches. That's unreasonable. This ensemble is one of elegance, but when an Apple Watch slams onto your wrist out of nowhere, it feels as if you've arrived there by accident. No woman would go out of her way to wear this with a dress, right?
sleeping slave
Aesthetics alone is enough to argue against the Apple Watch, but there's more to it than that. The very idea of an Apple Watch is offensive and insensitive. Unless you have a serious medical condition, there is no need to monitor your body's functions and changes so closely on a daily basis.
I know it's popular among people with too much time to obsess over sleep, but if you're young and healthy, you can survive without using Excel every night. . Spreadsheet.
The urgent desire to know all these detailed indicators about our body all day long is not mentally healthy. That's not normal. It doesn't matter. It's a meaningless obsession. The Apple Watch exacerbates the decadent obsessions of this era more than any other device.
This obsession drives people crazy, even if they don't realize it yet. Deep down I know I don't need to know all of this. I know it won't improve your life in any meaningful way. It's all just pointless data collection.
If you really want to wear your Apple Watch when you exercise, that's fine. This makes sense. But this silly device shouldn't be worn on your wrist outside the gym. Ugly items shouldn't be wardrobe staples, and the Apple Watch is an ugly item.
pointless overkill
Other than obsessive health monitoring, the Apple Watch's other features are completely redundant. You don't need a watch to receive reminders from Calendar, Messages, and Email. You have a phone for that, but most of the time your phone is sitting on the table next to you. After all, you could have two devices within 3 feet of each other, and both would send the same notifications. It's a pointless overreach.
As if that wasn't enough, the cost is the final blow. You're thinking of spending hundreds of dollars on an extra device that will make your neurosis worse, make you look ugly, and stain every piece of clothing you wear. That's wonderful.
Don't take the bait. Don't waste your money on Apple Watch. Buy a Timex for $50 and you're ready to go. Pick up a $25 Casio and get that authentic retro-futuristic look. Whatever you do, don't buy an Apple Watch.
