Nail biting, procrastination, and avoidance are often seen as negative habits we struggle to manage. However, a new psychology book suggests that these behaviors might actually be survival strategies that once kept us safe.
In “Controlling Outbursts in Mental Health,” clinical psychologist Dr. Charlie Herroth Maitland explores the reasons behind our inclination toward these seemingly self-sabotaging habits. Based on extensive clinical research and therapeutic experience, the insights highlight how our brains tend to value predictability and safety above comfort or true well-being.
“Our brains are survival machines,” he shared. “They’re wired to keep us alive, not necessarily to ensure our happiness.” Throughout history, studies have indicated that unexpected events can be quite dangerous. “The brain prefers predictable discomfort over unpredictable threats,” Maitland explains. “It just isn’t a fan of surprises.”
Faced with uncertainty, the brain often resorts to minor self-destructive behaviors instead of risking larger, unpredictable outcomes. According to the book, these small harms serve as protective mechanisms against bigger issues. For instance, while procrastination can lead to stress, it also helps to delay facing fears related to failure and judgment.
Thea Gallagher, a psychologist and wellness program director at NYU Langone Health, elaborates, stating, “The key idea here is that what we label as ‘self-destructive’ may actually be the brain’s way of attempting to manage discomfort.” In today’s world, threats are frequently emotional rather than physical; feelings like shame, anxiety, or rejection can trigger the same survival instincts as physical dangers.
“Our brains have developed to focus on perceived threats, even if they aren’t real, to prompt a defensive response,” Maitland points out. Actions like self-criticism and avoidance can, in fact, be coping mechanisms to handle what the mind perceives as ‘danger.’
Potential Limitations
Gallagher notes that the book’s conclusions are based more on clinical insights than on empirical data. “That doesn’t imply it’s wrong, but it does suggest that the claims are more interpretive and less scientific,” she explains, emphasizing the need for more concrete data to understand these behaviors at a deeper level.
She also suggests that external influences, like ADHD, trauma, or ongoing stress, can shape these habits in ways that extend beyond mere fear responses.
Instead of viewing procrastination and other similar behaviors as simply flaws, the book encourages a more nuanced understanding of their protective roles. However, if these behaviors cause significant distress or harmful outcomes, seeking professional help is advised.
“I often remind my patients to consider short-term discomfort for long-term gains,” Gallagher stated. “If you’re only reacting to immediate discomfort, the long-term patterns can become quite unfavorable.” Each individual’s motivations may vary, but this perspective is likely to resonate with many.
Maitland emphasizes that everyone has the freedom to decide how to approach their potentially harmful habits. “We don’t want to suppress these behaviors, nor do we want to let them continue to dominate our lives,” he notes.
Practical Tips for Managing Patterns
Gallagher presents several strategies for those noticing these unhelpful behaviors.
1. Shift from self-judgment to self-compassion
Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” she suggests considering the purpose of your actions. For instance, does your behavior serve to alleviate or distract you from deeper fears?
2. Recognize patterns without battling them initially
“Observing your behavior with a sense of curiosity can lessen automatic threat responses,” Gallagher advises.
3. Build a sense of safety
This might involve leaning on grounding techniques, fostering supportive relationships, establishing predictable routines, and incorporating self-soothing practices.
4. Gradually introduce controlled uncertainty
If your brain is wary of uncertainty, practicing small risks in feared scenarios can help retrain your mind.
