LCisgender people are very interested in us trans women. They want to know things like: What was it like to have your genitals repositioned by a surgeon? How did you know from the beginning that you were really a girl? Is it disgusting that we now have to participate in the negative aspects of sexism?
For us, we are interested in trans women as well as cisgender people. We want to know things like: Do you actually think I'm a woman, or am I just a deluded guy in a dress to you? If I tried to drink a beer at your bar, would I get assaulted? Or would I have to go to a public restroom?
In the documentary Will & Harper, these two forms of curiosity come together in ways that are problematic, uncomfortable, sometimes satisfying, and even moving. The film follows actor Will Ferrell as he discovers that his longtime friend and SNL co-creator isn't actually the man he always thought he was. Get used to it. No, she's actually a trans woman named Harper Steele, and she's going on a road trip across the red parts of America to find out what their friendship is like now.
“Will & Harper'' is partly about Steele, a medically transsexual woman, figuring out which parts of America are actually safe, both physically and emotionally. It's also the story of Ferrell learning how to live with his transgender friend. The best thing about this work is that it vividly shows all the uncomfortable emotions, obvious mistakes, and genuine acts of kindness that inevitably occur as part of this process.
As someone who has done this dance many times with many cis friends over the years, I truly sympathize with Steele's weakness, but I also believe that Ferrell has done things to her many times that he should never have done to her. I'm just as tired of doing it. trans woman. Will and Harper view their learning journeys as two sides of the same coin, and to a degree. However, it should be pointed out that the stakes here are very uneven. Ferrell's powers and privileges are totally below Steele's.
A great example of this is in the middle of the movie when Ferrell straight up asks Steele, “How are your boobs doing?” I then asked her to find out more about what it was like to wake up from breast implants. He follows that up by basically asking her if she's going to get a vagina. I really can't imagine anything comparable to what Steele could ask of the Sith world. And if she were to try to do so, it could be a very dangerous moment for her.
Later, while Ferrell and Steele are at the Grand Canyon, a woman asks Steele when did he realize she was a girl. It turns out that the reason this woman wants to know is because she is a therapist. In the 1980s, she had a client who was probably a trans woman in the early stages of coming out, and she feels guilty about how she treated him.
At this point, I felt angry that people were using Steele for their own gratification, and I desperately wanted her to set boundaries. That's not what Steele does. Throughout the movie, she's game to answer any questions the Sith world has of her, and she even gives Ferrell a complete carte blanche to ask him anything. She shows no signs of feeling the sense of violation that many of us feel for such personal violations.
I've felt that way too. I gave in to a lot of what the cis world demands of me for myself because I was so hurt, because I wanted so much to be seen and heard, and because I wanted to be seen and heard so badly, and because I wanted to be seen and heard so much, and I gave in to so many things that the cis world demanded of me for myself. Because I felt like I had to do anything to please them. My future is in my hands. Looking back, I sometimes ask myself if I was right to compromise myself so much, but the truth is, I had no real choice in the matter. It is extremely difficult to survive a transition period while retaining one's dignity. The main reason is that few people stop to consider that men who are trying to transform into women are infinitely more powerless than themselves.
Ms. Steele says she has been in transition for about a year and a half, and I remember it as a very delicate time in my own process. It is a unique weakness to feminize your appearance and personality and expose yourself in order to be accepted by the world. You are doing something your whole life has been told never to do. You end up going against every survival instinct you have because it's the only way.
Those around you will try their best to cope, but you will inevitably get hurt a lot in the process. Yet, you still continue to open yourself up more and more. Because you just want to know what the other person thinks of you and want to get back into their world. I understand that strong desire for the world to understand you, for the world to hear the story of your life that has been hidden for decades, for the world to share all the pain you have hidden. I am. When I watched Will & Harper, I wondered why Ferrell would stop and wonder why his friend would be so eager to tell him every personal detail of her life, and why she wouldn't do the next thing while filming a movie. I really wish I could have asked myself whether I was willing to put myself in one dangerous situation after another. their road trip. This is the question I wish my cis friends had asked themselves when I was in the thick of it.
One of the reasons why migration is so dangerous is that it puts you on the outskirts of humanity for years, with no guarantee that you'll ever be able to return to it. I was one of the lucky ones. I have successfully regained my path to humanity, and now I have the immense privilege of being able to decide who is safe enough to inform about my past. Those who are less fortunate must try their best to find a place in a world where we are the widely misunderstood, stigmatized, and increasingly vilified 1% of the population. It's a very difficult job that causes unemployment, depression, homelessness, suicide, etc.
Will & Harper depicts the moment Steele attempts to negotiate his way back to humanity. This is partly a matter of learning to live in a bar full of rowdy Donald Trump supporters, but more fundamentally a matter of learning how to interact with friends and girlfriends. It's a matter of finding safety around family. This is important to the cisgender world, and Will and Harper do their best to portray it in a thoughtful and heartfelt way. The film has some blind spots, but it's an honest and effective attempt. I would like people who watch this movie to be prepared and watch it.
