Thank you, Mr. President.
This column might not resonate with everyone. I might not be everyone’s cup of tea either. Lately, I find my solace in my dog and my hairdresser. And, well, if I don’t keep my cranky Yorkie fed, he becomes a bit unstable too.
So, for those I may have ruffled, I apologize. But, I genuinely believe it’s time for a collective prayer of gratitude for Donald.
I’ve known him longer than many people have been alive. We crossed paths ages ago at a straightforward New York political gathering, long before Melania and Ivana were part of the picture. He had just graduated from Wharton. I’m not anyone’s wife, by the way. I’ve mentioned this before—maybe it’s worth repeating for the younger crowd who might not know.
I first learned about him while working as a reporter for NBC, interviewing him at an Atlantic City hotel. My introduction to him was when I helped line up celebrity judges while assisting the Miss Universe President. We got to know each other when he married Melania, and I attended both Ivana’s and Mara’s weddings. I even shared a plane ride with him to California. During some tough times in my life, he stepped up to help me out. He organized a team to secure my apartment, and he entrusted me with my husband’s ashes.
His circumstances were challenging, leading to a tuna fish sandwich lunch at my home. I remember once flying first class to Chicago with Mayor Dinkins while he sat alone in a cramped seat at the back. Despite everything, he never showed any signs of distress. When things were going well for him, he embraced me at Melania’s private inaugural table.
Now, let’s talk. Do I still get notes from him? Yes, through a more secure channel. But honestly, I can’t get too close due to safety concerns.
My long-standing friend is about to leave his mark in history. Do I value him? Absolutely. Obama? Honestly, I can’t even find peace with my own wife at times. Biden? Let’s just say I’m confused about basic logistics, like where the men’s room is. And then there’s President Bush, who embarrassed a Japanese minister—ouch.
So, who do you want running things? A bartender with three initials? An FBI guy with a grudge? How about Bernie Sanders— is he really being serious? Hunter, who seems willing to sell out his country? There’s just so much chaos and rampant negativity; should NYC really scrape its shoes and toss them into subway grates?
You might prefer uplifting stories. Is there something alive in Washington that you’d like to hear about? Perhaps what’s lurking beneath the political surface? We could delve into something like the Gnat Gazette or another publication from the State Department, maybe the Critter Chronicle.
Word has it that Ms. Pelosi has subscribed to the Bulletin Bee. Adam Schiff (not quite how you spell it) likes the Moth Monitor. And this weekend’s buzzing feature is Rat Review. Comey’s dominating the Daily Beast, going all in with the publisher. Today’s cockroach rag? It landed straight in Biden’s bathroom.
Beestruppa and Tsetse Times are in touch with the former Vice President’s high school English teacher. On weekends, she follows along with Cockroach Fortress or the Waterbug Herald.
Alright, DC is a hub of unappealing things.
We don’t have our president’s office; he’s there for us. For America. He stands firm on our behalf. He’s not backing down against the challenges hovering over us.
Tell me, do you not have any fondness for him? Do you prefer the paid nuisances crawling around DC? Are those who wish to unseat him your champions? Do you want to see the United States crumble? Turn into Syria, Venezuela, or Iran?
There’s never been anyone quite like Donald. Still not feeling it for him? Well, Mazeltob. Go ahead, protest. Burn flags. Start fires. Hire people you disagree with. Destroy New York, the city that’s iconic. Applaud those who march, those who deface statues, even the professors and State Department specialists who seem lost. Send me a note from your prison cell.
So, let’s keep Donald safe.
