Dear Abby: A Loss and Confusion
A close friend of mine for 50 years passed away a few months back. I sent a fruit basket to her family and tried to reach out by phone, but couldn’t get through. I also emailed and texted but received no response. Additionally, I sent a get well card without any acknowledgment from her husband or the daughter who I was closest to—my goddaughter, whom I’ve been a part of her life for years.
No one informed me about her wake, but I eventually found out and attended. At the wake, the family had a table filled with photos, including one from her teenage years. There were several pictures featuring her and another friend, but I wasn’t in any. Over the years, we had maintained our friendship, especially through our children’s younger years and during her illness. I felt completely ignored, and it’s been hard to understand why. I’m hurt and left wondering if I have the right to feel this way and how to cope. — Left Behind from the East
Dear Left Behind: It sounds like you were a significant friend during both your youth and later in her life. Perhaps her husband and daughter didn’t fully grasp how close you were, especially given the time apart. This might explain your feeling of being sidelined.
Absolutely, you have every right to acknowledge your feelings. However, it seems her family is wrapped up in their own emotions and hasn’t considered yours. Try to find comfort in the true nature of your friendship.
Dear Abby: Supporting a Friend in Grief
I’m a 35-year-old man who often helps friends during tough times. Currently, I’m in the recruitment process because a placement is coming up soon, and I stay in regular contact with my college friends—we chat almost daily.
Recently, one friend shared that she suffered a miscarriage. I’m feeling conflicted. On one hand, I want to be there for her during this tragic time, while on the other, I’m navigating my own journey toward parenthood. I can’t fathom her pain and loss. After she told me, I ended up lying down and crying for her, her baby, and her husband. What’s the best way to support her? I’m unsure how to help while respecting proper etiquette. — Incompetent in Maine
Dear Incompetent: You clearly have a caring nature, and it’s understandable that you feel troubled, given the timing of your friend’s loss. The etiquette advice would be to send condolence cards or write brief letters to her and her husband. Offer her support during this challenging time and stay connected until she begins to heal.
