Dear Abby

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for four and a half years. Before me, he had a long-term girlfriend he dated intermittently for 15 years, who passed away while he was incarcerated. We tied the knot just three months after his release.

The issue is that nearly every night when he’s asleep, he calls out her name, expressing his love for her. He insists he doesn’t realize he’s doing this in his sleep. It feels like when I’m upset about it, he becomes upset too because he’s trying not to hurt me. How can I manage this or encourage him to stop? — Scared of Bed in Colorado

Dear Scared: It’s understandable that your husband had a long history with his late girlfriend. Old habits can be tough to break. If he wakes you up while doing this, don’t hesitate to gently rouse him. If he asks why, simply say it’s because he was talking in his sleep—no need for specifics. And remember, while she may hold a significant place in his past, you’re the one next to him now.

Dear Abby: As an older widow, I’ve been seeing an older gentleman for about a year. He’s kind and has many admirable qualities, but one thing troubles me: he constantly checks out other women.

I’ve brought up the “5-second rule,” but he brushes it off, saying he finds women attractive because of his upbringing with women in his family. He claims it doesn’t mean anything serious.

This attention to other women is new to me, and it’s tough to deal with. He tends to choose female friends over male ones, which adds to my discomfort. I’m striving to manage my feelings of jealousy while weighing whether to continue this relationship or walk away. — California Red Flag

Dear California: If his behavior affects your self-esteem negatively, that’s a clear red flag. His insensitivity and lack of regard for your feelings could be concerning. If you’ve already discussed this with him and he continues to dismiss your feelings, it might be worth considering someone who shows more respect toward you.

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 31 years, but our differing views on politics and culture have led to frequent arguments. Although we agreed to cool off the debates, our sexual desire has also diminished.

During marriage counseling, it often seemed that the focus was on my wife’s perspective, leaving me feeling isolated. Despite not having the backing of my family (we have three wonderful daughters), I still love and respect my wife. Recently, she told me that I must change my political views to align with hers or she’d leave me. What should I do? — Threatened in Wisconsin

Dear Threatened: You might want to communicate to your wife and the counselor that as your political discussions cooled, so did your intimacy. It could be beneficial for you to seek counseling on your own. Her ultimatum seems unreasonable. If the two of you can’t find a middle ground, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.