Dear Abby Letters
Letter from Surviving Change in Illinois
My wife’s nephew is going through a divorce, and it seems to be pretty amicable—no cheating or abuse involved. They have two kids, and, well, “Michelle,” who I’ll be separating from soon, has always been kind and welcoming to me. However, my wife’s family has turned their backs on her completely and made it clear that I should too. I think that’s unfair.
Honestly, Michelle did nothing wrong. She was straightforward with us, which I appreciate. My wife tells me to stay out of it and not reach out to her. I find that a bit immature, but I realize my feelings may not matter much here. Still, I’m considering contacting Michelle to apologize for the situation and let her know not everyone feels negatively about her.
I think doing that might ease my conscience, and it could be nice for her to know she’s not universally disliked. Plus, if anything happens to my wife’s nephew, I’d like to have a connection to the kids. What are your thoughts?
Response
To the person navigating this situation: I believe you are showing more maturity than your wife’s family. As an adult, you should do what you think is right.
Letter from Anger Continues in Pennsylvania
When I was in sixth grade, my father left us. He had cheated on my mother multiple times, lost his ministry, and shifted to a teaching career. I tried to address my feelings with him, but he never acknowledged his mistakes. When I finally asked him to come clean, he just refused.
Now, in my 60s, I’m still angry. I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful kids he has never met. Before he passes away, I wish he would grasp how I feel and just admit the truth one last time. Is it worth trying? He’s 92, so time is limited.
Response
Dear Anger: You might find that reaching out to your father won’t yield the closure you seek. This is more for your own benefit than his. It may help you release the long-held anger rather than trying to rectify past wrongs that he may never acknowledge.
Letter from We Bring You Some Heartbreaking News
How should we reach out to long-time best friends whose husband is now developing dementia? Should we communicate by phone, email, or in person? Should we express our sympathy, act as if everything is normal, or just stop seeing each other altogether?
It’s truly tragic to witness the slow unraveling of someone who once had such brilliance and abilities. Not knowing what to do or say can intensify the pain.
Response to Delivery Staff
Social isolation is harmful. Those in the early to middle stages of dementia can still enjoy social interactions. Continue being friends with this couple and follow whatever guidance your wife offers. Your kindness and support will surely mean a lot to them during this tough time.
