Dear Abby: Grief in Missouri
My husband passed away unexpectedly five years ago. After 31 years together, our family of four kids and six grandkids was taken by surprise. Honestly, I’m still struggling. We used to love our time at the lake, barbecuing by the pool, and cheering at football games—he was a huge part of that joy. Since his passing, family gatherings have dwindled to just major holidays. My siblings hardly reach out, and my eldest son has cut off communication entirely, seemingly upset about my recent remarriage.
I’m already retired, and I imagined spending my golden years surrounded by my kids and grandkids. But now it feels like a distant dream. It’s disheartening to think they might prefer I was gone instead. How do I bring us back together? Or should I be grieving the family dynamics I once had? — Grief in Missouri
Response
It’s completely understandable that your life changed dramatically with your husband’s death—especially for your kids, losing their father. He was central to family events, but that doesn’t mean joy is permanently out of reach for you all. It’s just… different now.
It’s unfortunate that your oldest son has distanced himself. He might need time to come to terms with your new marriage. Remember, your move forward in life isn’t wrong at all. If he chooses to stay away, that’s his decision. You can’t control that.
Try reaching out more often to your children and grandchildren. Invite them to enjoy moments with you. While it may not feel the same, it can still bring some value to your life. If that doesn’t help, consider expanding your circle of friends—meaningful friendships can help fill that void.
Dear Abby: Second Thoughts in California
I recently moved in with my boyfriend, which is lovely, but he’s struggling to find a job. I’m working two jobs to help with the rent while also attending school. I don’t know how to express that I don’t want to support someone financially. He’s my first love, and I genuinely want to be with him.
Am I wrong for staying with him even though he’s not contributing? He doesn’t even go to school. His birthday is approaching, and I’m unsure if I should buy him a gift since he spent it mostly alone and didn’t do anything special. — Second Thoughts in California
Response
Honestly, it might be time to rethink this situation. Just because he’s unemployed and unmotivated doesn’t mean you should bear the burden of supporting him while juggling two jobs and school. You care about him, sure, but pursuing your education will only enhance your chances of meeting someone more aligned with where you’re headed in life.
