Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 10 years after dating for several years prior. We have a strong relationship overall, but our sex life hasn’t been what I’d hoped for. We’ve talked about it and tried various ways to enhance it, which made me think we both wanted to improve this aspect of our relationship.
Two years ago, my wife had weight loss surgery, and since then, things have declined even further. I can barely remember the last time we were intimate without some sort of aid. We’ve also stopped discussing how to make things better.
Before her surgery, she mentioned that her weight issues could be affecting her libido, so I was optimistic things might improve. Sadly, she now seems completely uninterested in sex. I even tried to give her a product that claimed to boost female libido, but she didn’t even want to open it. It feels like she has no interest at all.
I’m growing increasingly frustrated with this—it’s natural for men to want to feel wanted, too. I’m at a loss about what to do. Please help.— Frustrated in Michigan
Dear Frustrated: I’ll be honest with you. I can’t say if this situation will salvage your marriage. You might want to encourage your wife to discuss this issue with her doctor and perhaps seek a referral to an endocrinologist, who specializes in hormones and might offer some insight. If she refuses, you may need to contemplate divorce unless you’re okay living in a sexless marriage.
Dear Abby: Our former neighbor, who was also a friendly acquaintance, has supported us multiple times since we moved. We’re still about 15 minutes away from her, but we lack family nearby. I feel I should thank her, yet I don’t want it to feel transactional.
My wife and I often take long trips throughout the year. This neighbor has checked in on our cats, collected packages, and even shared produce from her garden. At first, it felt fine, but now it seems a bit awkward since I only reach out for help when we need it.
We do dine with her and her partner about twice a year, but it feels more like a chore on her end. This has been going on for nearly seven years. I could use a good gift suggestion. — New York’s Awkward Giver
Dear Giver: How about treating your former neighbor and her boyfriend to a nice dinner? You could also invite them over for a meal, get them tickets to an event, or bring back a little something from your travels. I think they’d appreciate your kind gesture.
