Dear Abby: My parents are in their 70s. They live in a retirement community. As they get older, they have become more private in their lives. They no longer want their children or grandchildren nearby. Recently I received a call that they are no longer answering their phones. I stopped by their house and they wouldn’t open the door. What little relationship I have with them no longer exists. Any advice? –– I want to connect
Dear Wanting: You can’t force a parent into unwanted contact. If you’re worried about their well-being, contact the police and ask for a welfare check because their behavior has changed. But if everything is fine, you should accept that that’s what they want and abide by their choice, even if it’s difficult.
Dear Abby: I recently watched a video in which Rosanne S., founder of Overeaters Anonymous, talked about how she started the program and her own struggles with food, and in it she talked about how your mother was instrumental in spreading information about OA to the general public and helping it grow.
Abby, OA saved my life. I am grateful to Rosanne and your mother. After 39 years on the program, I have lost 120 pounds from my highest weight. I am now at a healthy weight and have remained that way for the better part of 39 years. Not only have I lost weight, but it has brought sanity, freedom and healthier relationships into my life. I joined the program solely to lose weight, but the clarity I have gained from working the 12 steps is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.
The good thing is that I didn’t have to rely on drugs to lose weight, and by working on my inner body I was able to look closer to my normal weight. The only bad thing is that so many people don’t know about this program and believe the solution is to just lose weight.
The introduction to my first OA book said, “Being thin doesn’t make you healthy, but being healthy does.” Now I love myself the way I am. I never thought I could do that. — Joe A., Houston, Texas
Dear Joe: Thank you for your lovely letter. I remember my mother being interested in Overeaters Anonymous and admiring its founder. I also had the opportunity to meet a wonderful woman named Rosanne once. As most of you probably know, people are known to eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger.
The adoption of weight loss drugs has come like a tsunami and for some has been a miracle (for now), but for those who prefer a more conservative approach or who can’t tolerate the side effects or afford the cost of these drugs, Overeaters Anonymous may offer a path to successful weight loss.
OA meetings are held more than 6,500 times in 77 countries around the world, including 2,500 virtual meetings that can be held at almost any time from other locations around the world. If you are interested, readers can find more information about Overeaters Anonymous at OA.org. As with other 12-Step programs, there are no membership fees, but donations are welcomed.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
