Dear Abby: I've been dating “Pete” for 8 months. He was divorced 15 years ago. He has two grown children and five grandchildren with his ex-wife “Linda.” Linda remains an important part of Pete's life. They email each other throughout the day and enjoy doing things together with Linda's husband.
Pete is about to have major surgery and has informed me that his daughter and Linda will be coming to the hospital and that there is a limit of two chaperones per patient. I have tried to explain to him that I feel uncomfortable because Linda is such an important part of his life and that I am hurt that he won't let me accompany him on outings. He turns it around and asks me what to do. He says it's my problem, not his.
I care about Pete but I'm fed up with it – should I give up or hold on and hope he understands my position? — Not important in the Midwest
Dear Anonymous: Pete believes that accepting his priorities is your problem, not his, so he likely won't Until now Accept my opinion. The problem seems to be that he doesn't see you as a couple, and because he doesn't, his family doesn't either. You should have been on an “outing” with Linda and her husband by now.
Your letter says nothing about all the kind and caring things Pete has done for you, and because (after eight months) he has still not been able to get his name on the hospital visitors list, maybe it really is time to give up.
Dear Abby: My adult daughters often ask me to help look after their grandchild. One lives 2 hours away and the other lives in town. Weekends and holidays are fine, but the neighbor has asked me to stay home Sunday night and help look after her baby in the morning.
I have a full time job that is very demanding which she claims is “easy” – I have to wake up, get ready for work, eat breakfast and be at work at 8am. I told her that her request to stay Sunday night meant feeding the baby in the morning and that was too much during the week. Now she is upset with me and I am very depressed.
I am 68 years old and I went back to work at 60 because my husband changed industries and his income was significantly reduced. My wife can't seem to understand why this is too much of a burden for me. For my part, I don't understand why she would expect this from me during the week. My job requires that I occasionally stop what I'm doing and go out immediately to deal with issues. Any advice would be appreciated? — In demand in Alabama
High demand: Taking care of a small child is a favor, not an obligation, even if that child is your grandchild. Your only mistake was agreeing to a Sunday night sleepover instead of relaxing in your own bed and getting ready for the work week. At your age, you have to take care of your health. That's why it's so important not to make your daughter feel guilty about skipping the Sunday night sleepover.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and launched by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
