I We used to equate a packed calendar with a full life. My days were booked well in advance for activities that I knew would be beneficial and rewarding, such as eating out, pub quizzes, exercise classes, and trips to the cinema.
I decided to take work out of my life. I thought, I can't afford to burn out when I have so many other things going on. However, when the time came to put my plans into action, I tended to realize that I was being too optimistic. Not just about how much time you can cram into your day, but also about your own enthusiasm for doing so.
As my mood and energy levels continued to decline, social occasions felt more and more like another obligation, something I had to do rather than something I wanted to do. Arriving for dinner with friends has started to resemble a work meeting. They put the same on my calendar.
Eventually, I realized that the act of scheduling so far in advance was robbing me of the opportunity to enjoy myself. I made these plans from a hypothetical standpoint without considering the very real possibility that I was tired, stressed, or just not feeling well.
Of course, this means I wasn't in the best company. Rushing from one appointment to the next, I often arrived late, rushed and distracted. I also often left work early to keep to a tight schedule.
Moving to Norwich helped me break this habit. In London, most of my friends had calendars as full as I did. Often, the only chance to meet was to schedule a date more than three weeks in advance. In Norwich, almost everyone I know lives within a 30-minute walk, and there are plenty of great cafes, pubs and restaurants in between.
Within a few months of moving, I rediscovered the joy of spontaneity. With fewer local friends, my days inevitably became empty. In a peaceful and quiet environment, I have come to better understand how I really like to spend my time. And it was much more free-flowing than I imagined.
I was surprised at how much I benefited from spending more time alone. I found myself having great ideas and interesting thoughts that I probably wouldn't have come up with if I had continued this at a breakneck pace. And as a result of that new spaciousness, I began to tune into my desires, what I wanted to do at any given moment.
My newly cleared schedule meant that if I wanted to go see a movie or have a drink after work for the day, I could do that. Registering those impulses and acting on them only made them more assertive. I began to understand what all these self-help books meant about becoming “your true self.”
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My hectic schedule made me feel like a dog being pulled on a leash and not allowed to stop and smell the flowers. By planning less and giving myself more “free” time, my days actually started to feel more fulfilling. Now, if I meet a friend on the street, I sometimes stop and chat or go about their business. I also made some new friends because I took it slow. You'll be surprised how many faces become familiar when you're not always in a hurry somewhere.
In some ways, leaving London has made me better friends with the people I left behind. I may not see them as often as I used to when we lived in the same city, but I think I've become more attentive and attuned to what they're going through, even from a distance. Because you have the time, energy, and mental space to do so. . And when we make plans – whether I'm visiting London or they're coming to Norwich – often the only plans we make are to spend time together and just have fun. That's it.
