Dear Abby: I have been a widow for 20 years and have raised my family in an old, historic home in a small island town. Throughout the home renovation and maintenance process, the father and son team of electricians became like family.
Over the past year or so, my father, who is in his late 70s (older than me), has been making unwanted romantic advances in the form of suggestive and romantic text messages, emails, phone calls, and invitations to lunch and cocktails. I started calling. It is a profession in which I have had a “secret fantasy” while working for me for many years. To make matters worse, his girlfriend of decades is in the moderate stages of dementia.
I find this annoying and insulting, so I've politely discouraged his suggestions or even tried to deflect them humorously. Luckily he doesn't live on an island, but when he sees my car on the street he begs me to give him a quick hug.
Electricians of his caliber are rare and I can't afford to lose him. His moonlighting fee was always a “friends and family” deal. His son gets a job in big clothes and rarely gets to work. How can I stop my father's amorous advances without him blowing a fuse? — Vanished in Maine
For the missing person: Tell this man in plain English that you are a great friend, but that you are morally opposed to a romantic relationship with someone whose partner is ill. he needs to hear it.
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Dear Abby: My mother and two younger sisters constantly complain about their physical health. None of them have been evaluated or diagnosed by a doctor. They have repeatedly tried to treat themselves with outdated advice and panaceas that are not backed by scientific information.
I've been trying to teach them the importance of proper nutrition and strength training because it's so important to build and maintain muscle as you age. Abby, I'm no expert, but I've transformed my body and my life with these simple rules. My mother and sisters were so defensive and ignored my advice that I had almost given up on talking to them.
How should I deal with their constant complaining if they aren't willing to at least try something new to feel better? Do I keep suggesting them the same thing? Can I ignore their complaints? — California Family Helper
Dear Helper: Please stop trying to help your mom or sisters because your efforts to lead them to a healthier lifestyle are not working and are a source of frustration for you. They are ignoring you and your efforts will be in vain. A step in the right direction is to ignore their complaints and change the subject rather than giving them advice they won't follow.
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Dear Reader: Oh, how the past year has flown by! I wish you all a happy, healthy, and successful 2025! Tonight, I join you in toasting to a new year full of hope for all of us. If you're celebrating tonight, please take steps to protect your health as well as the safety of others. Happy New Year everyone! — Love, Abby
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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
