Dear Abby: My husband, “Leon” and I have been together for 13 years. He is bisexual and takes gay. I knew this when we gathered.
I'm 51 and Leon is 32. We still love each other deeply, but he also has a relationship with men. His boyfriend is 21 years old. We have an 11 year old daughter together and have two children from our previous marriage.
It was always okay to have Leon benefited and had friends. However, this new relationship makes me feel lost and confused.
I don't want to ruin our marriage for a relationship with this guy, but I'm worried that it will happen.
After a long marriage, my best friend also feels torn from me. We went through a lot together.
This wave of emotion makes me better. Please help. I don't know what to do. – Losing hope in Idaho
Losing dear hope: When you married Leon, you did it knowing it would be an open marriage.
Neither you nor your husband considered that he might meet someone who could fall in love with him deeply. In this situation, you can understand your feelings.
Couple counseling may help you adapt to a new reality, and I sincerely recommend it. Your doctor should be able to refer you.
Dear Abby: I am hurt and angry with the shanning I am experiencing from my family as they disapprove of my imprisoned fiance.
I was in my 60s and have been working as a counselor in higher education for 20 years. I'm engaged to an incredible man serving a life sentence in the South.
We've been writing and talking on phone and video for over two years.
We recently had our first visit. We love each other very much. I just moved to his state so I can visit every month so I can stay close to his family.
My family has now blocked me through social media, phone calls and emails. Before they did that, they told me I was mentally disturbed and they said they wanted nothing more than me and nothing more.
I have tried several times to expand the olive branches, but they ignore me. Is there anything I can do to reconnect? – Away in the South
Dear Shunned: Your relatives may feel like they do because they are worried about you, or the crime in which your fiance is imprisoned, if he is released one day, then it is their own Fear them for safety.
Does he qualify for parole or will your relationship be a constant monthly visit?
You seem like an educated, caring individual. But don't rely on reunion with your family – at this point their minds appear to be made up.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 at Dearabby.com.
