Dear Abby: I started a new job a year and a half ago. It’s in a small office. My boss and I are the only employees. I really enjoy this job, but there is a side to it that really worn me. More and more, my boss has been asking me to take care of personal work for him that has nothing to do with business.
I understand that there is no one else to resort to him, but that should not be my problem. I’m a single mother with two kids and already enough for my plate.
The last straw was when I asked for a break to spend time with the whole family. He asks him to pick up his pet in the afternoon (saves the money to ride him overnight and returns home from the airport at 9:30pm.
Some of me know that he wasn’t fair to ask for these things. I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to say I can’t, but “I don’t want to” seems trivial. I have enough problems running my own home without helping others. How do you say this without losing your job? – Idaho has no workers
I don’t have a dear wife: It is taking advantage of you to expect your boss to run errands for him without compensation. The first thing I do if you were in your shoes is to start exploring the job market for your community. Then, if I find something that suits my particular skill, I will talk to my boss and explain that I am responsible after work hours that makes it difficult to follow his requests.
If he values that you are contributing to his business, he may find another way to run his errands. But if he isn’t, you’ll line up another job.
Dear Abby: My mother has metastatic cancer and my family expects me to talk to her. We’ve been unrelated for nine years since she moved out of state with her boyfriend. Abby, our relationship has been toxic ever since we found out she was pregnant with me almost 35 years ago. My family hopes that just because she’s sick she’ll release a “fire” that I didn’t start. When she was in town, I took her responsibility for the choices she made and she exploded. She cried, listened to me, and downplayed me at my house.
Is it cruel to stand in my land and refuse to be abused by her? Should I give in to their pressure to please my family and give up my peace? What would you do if my mother survived just to abuse me again? – A victim in Ohio
Dear Victim: Your mother’s illness is terminal. What you have to decide is not because your relative is putting pressure on you, but whether you want to make peace with her for yourself.
If the answer to that question is no, let these well-intentioned relatives know that you felt that you lost your mother many years ago due to the abuse that has been suffering in her hands since you were little and that you are not comfortable contacting her now.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Please contact dear Abby http://www.dearabby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
