Dear Abby: I have a relationship with a man I call “Gene.” We’re both in our 70s, and although he lives about an hour away, we manage to see each other monthly. Gene is married, but his relationship with his wife is deteriorating, especially since she has a disability. They used to work together, and I know he felt quite lonely when we first met. He feels a strong sense of duty to his wife and has no intention of leaving her. I’m not looking for a full-time boyfriend, though.
My concern is that if my two adult children find out about this, they will judge me harshly. I know it could harm our relationship. But on the flip side, I don’t want to hide my life to appease them. What do you think? – Happy in Florida, but worried
Dear Happy: At your age, it seems reasonable to believe you can make your own choices. It’s also crucial to be prepared to defend those choices if needed. I understand you’re worried about your kids discovering your relationship and judging you for it, so perhaps it’s better if you tell them on your own terms.
Dear Abby: A few months ago, I discovered that my adult child is transgender. So far, only my husband and my other children know. Until this year, I’ve always worked in nurturing and supportive settings. Recently, I was taken aback when a new male colleague shouted, “I’m trans! I’m trans!” while waving his scarf around. I felt totally blindsided.
I wanted to address his inappropriate behavior but couldn’t find the words. I’ve never faced anything like this before. If something similar happens again, how should I respond? My kids need to be protected until they’re ready for the complexities of the world. I regret not speaking up in the moment. – Regret in the Midwest
Dear Regret: It’s unfortunate that transgender individuals, who represent a small fraction of the population, face scapegoating by those who are uninformed. Being transgender poses no threat to anyone, and they certainly shouldn’t be mocked. If an incident like this arises again, don’t hesitate to express that what he’s doing is inappropriate and hurtful. Clarify that it won’t be accepted in your presence.
Dear Abby: I’ve seen numerous letters from women dealing with deadbeat partners. Could you write something positive about living alone? – Massachusetts Solid and Content
Dear A&C: Each letter regarding a “deadbeat” partner serves as a cautionary tale for others. Writers often express feelings of being overworked and unhappy. There’s a powerful message in those letters that speaks volumes; it’s never good to be with someone who is using you.
