Meredith Gaudreau penned a heartfelt letter to her late husband, Johnny, expressing her grief and love.
Johnny, a star player for the Blue Jackets, lost his life tragically when a drunk driver, who had been partying with Johnny’s brother Matthew, struck him in August 2024. This occurred just a day before his sister Katie’s wedding.
The letter, titled “Thank you for being perfect, John,” was released on Thursday by Players’ Tribune. In it, Meredith reflected on significant moments in their shared life.
With the wedding approaching, Meredith noted how hectic things were, yet she felt a hopeful spirit, saying, “It’s going to be a great day.”
She recalled Johnny’s farewell, writing, “You said goodbye to all of us and told us we would meet up later. That was it.”
Then, everything changed.
Meredith vividly remembered the moment she received a call from Katie, who mentioned something was wrong but didn’t know the details. “I was preoccupied with how to help you, whatever was going on with Matty,” she shared, before realizing the heart-wrenching truth about Johnny.
The joyous weekend anticipated by the family turned into a nightmare.
Meredith found her emotions overwhelming and hard to articulate. “I was so upset for days,” she reflected. “It’s my step-sister who understands my pain. I felt heartbroken for her too. We were all celebrating the gender reveal just recently, and now this…”
At that time, Johnny and Meredith had two children, Noah and Johnny Jr., and were expecting a third.
“I thought of our baby inside me. I was paralyzed with despair. Nightmares haunted me, and you were always on my mind. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever faced. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you,” she wrote.
Meredith gave birth to their third child in April, which added layers to her sorrow.
Despite her anguish, she conveyed her undying love: “The feelings don’t go away. I love you so much. I miss you every single day, and my love only grows.”
The family’s world was abruptly turned upside down, all within a painful span of days.
Reflecting on the tumultuous shift from wedding preparations to attending a funeral, Meredith described the weirdness of it all. “I even had to go to the doctor for my third baby,” she recalled.
Seeing Noah and Baby Johnny only deepened her pain, as she grappled with the reality that her children would grow up without their father and uncle.
Both the NHL and Meredith continue to honor Johnny’s memory, but her letter stands out as a raw expression of her heartache.
“I don’t know,” she wrote, addressing Johnny directly. “What was I supposed to do without you?”
