Dear Abby: A Mother’s Concern for Her Sons

Dear Abby, my ex, “Hank,” and I share two sons—both of whom are bright, kind, college-educated, and hardworking young men.

Hank has become distant from our second son, “Andrew.” It seems Andrew struggles to meet his father’s expectations, which is, ironically, part of what drew me to my husband in the first place.

Recently, Hank had a harsh exchange with Andrew, claiming, “You’re not my son.” Later, he tried to explain that he meant Andrew doesn’t behave like his older brother. It’s disheartening, really—he also said, “You didn’t call me last week, so I won’t help you today.”

Watching this unfold has been painful. The only silver lining is that my two boys share a strong bond. I firmly believe children should feel assured of their parents’ love; they shouldn’t have to earn it continuously. It just devastates me that Andrew lacks a father who can offer him unconditional support.

This week, Andrew underwent emergency surgery, yet Hank didn’t even check in on him.

We’ve tried therapy, but I’m wondering if there’s anything else we can do to mend this fracture between them. — A mom who should also be a dad

Dear Mom:

What a heartbreaking situation, and frankly, it paints a sad picture of your ex-husband. He’s the architect of this estrangement, and, honestly, it seems there’s not much you or Andrew can do to change that.

There’s no mention of how Andrew’s relationship—or lack thereof—affects him. Was the therapy family-centered? Have you thought about marriage counseling for you and your ex? Individual therapy for Andrew might also help, but it depends on his willingness to engage.

A licensed mental health professional could assist Andrew in processing the emotional neglect he’s faced, but he’ll need to see it as necessary first.

Dear Abby: A Struggling Friendship

Dear Abby, I’m a 36-year-old woman from Pakistan, and I find your advice fascinating.

Growing up, I’ve always struggled to make friends. I often found myself attached to people I liked, which they interpreted as clinginess. Out of my school friends, I tend to be the one who keeps in touch the most.

Now I’m noticing similar patterns with my 7-year-old son. When he plays with his cousins or my relatives’ kids, he wants to maintain those friendships through video calls and messages. But the other children—and their parents, including my brother—don’t seem as invested in staying connected.

My son is also quite sensitive, much like I am. How can I explain to him that he shouldn’t expect everyone to be friends without making it sound like nobody cares? — Sad Mom in Pakistan

Dear Sad Mom:

Friendships often blossom naturally, usually founded on shared interests. What does your son enjoy? Is he engaged in sports or other extracurricular activities?

While it’s true that friendships can’t be forced, they often develop through various interactions. Your worries about your son facing similar social hurdles as you might be unnecessary. He may simply need more opportunities to connect with other children.