On October 15, a tragic shooting at Silver Rail Elementary School in Bend, Oregon, resulted in the deaths of three children and a teacher. This incident struck a deep chord, especially for those of us living in central Oregon. Families are now grappling with a profound grief that no one should ever have to experience. It’s heartbreaking to think that children who should have returned to their homes will never do so again. A teacher dedicated to nurturing young minds has been lost forever.
One of the severely injured is 7-year-old Saylor, who was recognized in Bend as a “Sparrow,” a program that aids children facing serious health challenges. Having already faced significant adversity, she now finds herself fighting for her life after being shot in the face. It’s incredibly painful to think about what she and other victims are enduring.
The entire community, and indeed the nation, is mourning this loss.
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In my work as an anti-bullying consultant, I’ve observed over 20,000 students who have publicly apologized for bullying behavior, sometimes contributing to preventing further harm. Yet, we can only speculate about the motivations of the 16-year-old shooter. It’s unclear if he experienced bullying at Silver Rail or elsewhere, but this event shines a light on a concerning pattern that calls for community-wide action against bullying, not just measures taken by schools alone.
The Secret Service’s report, “Protecting America’s Schools,” analyzed 41 targeted school attacks, revealing that 80% of the 35 attackers (all male) had been victims of bullying, often persistently. While there’s no current evidence suggesting that bullying was a factor in the Silver Rail incident, past research emphasizes the need to take bullying seriously within our communities.
In the aftermath of every school shooting, there’s a pervasive misconception that the shooter must have severe mental health issues. However, it’s important to understand that most individuals with serious mental illness are not violent. This assumption only perpetuates stigma and distracts from behaviors that truly need our attention.
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Through decades of working with bullying victims, I’ve seen how ongoing mistreatment can really affect children’s emotional well-being. Some might internalize their pain, while others could express it through anger or even violence. It’s frustrating to think that many children endure levels of mistreatment that no adult would tolerate.
Simply telling a child to ignore bullying is far from effective intervention. Advising them to “turn the other cheek” amid relentless bullying is a misapplication of good intentions. Requiring an apology without ensuring that the behavior has ceased isn’t truly holding anyone accountable. Moving the child who is being targeted to another class or school—something that happens all too often—can inadvertently exacerbate feelings of injustice and resentment.
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Students need reliable adults and accessible ways to report bullying, possibly even anonymously. They also must be shielded from retaliation. If reporting leads to a worse situation, children learn to keep quiet at the very moments when we need their insight the most.
Something that often goes unnoticed is the power that bystanders have in bullying situations. Bullies thrive on an audience, and that audience can either reinforce their behavior through laughter or silence, or help put an end to it through courageous intervention. When witnesses act, they can shift the power dynamic in favor of the mistreated child.
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To disrupt the cycle linking persistent bullying and school violence, we need a unified commitment that starts at home. We should encourage our children to take at least one of three actions when they witness bullying:
1. Comfort the targeted child afterward.
2. Report—not tattle—what they saw or heard.
3. Safely intervene with assertive but nonviolent words.
Have this conversation with your family today.
While many adults are mourning and feeling grateful for their own children’s safety, countless other children are left with heavy emotional burdens. These children, too, are precious and deserve kindness. Compassionate intervention from bystanders can ease their suffering, helping them realize they are not defined by the cruelty they endure and that they are valued.
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We may not be able to prevent every school shooting, but we can certainly guard against complacency. This begins with instilling in our children the understanding that witnessing bullying comes with a responsibility to act in a safe and compassionate manner.
Bullying shouldn’t be an unavoidable aspect of growing up. And standing firm against it should be a normal part of raising our children.
