Dear Abby: I’ve been a widow for nine years, and I’ve recently become engaged. When I asked my fiancé if I could put up a photo of my late husband in our new home, he got really angry. He said I shouldn’t need to bring reminders of the man who once “had” me into his space.
My late husband and I have three children together. We were high school sweethearts, and his passing hit me hard. Honestly, I feel like my fiancé is overreacting. It seems like he wants to erase everything I had with my late husband.
Since my kids will also be living with us, should I respect my fiancé’s wishes, or should I stand firm on keeping my late husband’s memory alive for the sake of my children? — Remembering American Samoa
To the letter writer: Consider this a warning sign. Your fiancé seems jealous and insecure. If he’s upset about a photo of your deceased husband, how will he react to your children, who are constant reminders of your past relationship?
You have every right to display a photo of their father if that’s what you want. It doesn’t have to be overly prominent—just have a conversation with your fiancé about it. You might also think about premarital counseling to work through this issue before moving forward.
Dear Abby: My husband, who is well-educated and a native English speaker, mispronounces a lot of words, including common names and the names of our children’s schools. How can I correct him politely? It seems he’s not paying attention, and I’m sure others notice too. — Frustrated in California
Dear Frustrated: Make a list of the words he struggles with. When the timing feels right—maybe when you’re both relaxed—bring it up gently. Ask him if he’s noticed any mispronunciations. When he asks for examples, share your list and pronounce them correctly. Let him know you’re bringing this up out of love and don’t plan on mentioning it again, but feel he should be aware.
Dear Abby: We love visiting my aunt for dinner, but her plug-in fragrances give us terrible headaches. Afterward, we have to shower and wash our clothes to get rid of the scent. She’s a fantastic baker, and her cooking smells great. How can I diplomatically address this with her? Nevada’s hesitant niece
Dear niece: Tell your aunt you love going over, but you’re allergic to scents and it’s causing headaches. Ask if she could unplug the scent dispenser and air out the place for a bit before you arrive. It’s for a good reason, and you’re likely not the only one affected by artificial fragrances.
