Dear Abby: A Letter About Relationships

I’ve been divorced twice and recently celebrated my 61st birthday. I feel great and I’m in good health.

My current husband is a fantastic person, and I maintain a positive relationship with both my exes. My first marriage lasted 20 years, and the second one was for 10 years. I’ve been on my own for the last five.

I genuinely enjoy my life and have no intention of marrying again. I appreciate having my space and freedom.

Here’s my issue: many men I connect with online are looking for marriage, while I’m just looking to date. Once I mention that I’m not interested in tying the knot, they tend to vanish.

Just recently, I even hung up halfway through a conversation because of my stance on marriage. Honestly, if the first or second chat ends with that topic, how am I supposed to reach the point of, “Let’s meet up in person”? I really don’t want to mislead anyone.

It’s challenging to explain that I don’t think marriage is necessary for fulfillment. I’ve got a great family and fantastic friends, and I’m quite outgoing.

I do miss some elements of a committed relationship, but I’m not looking to be someone’s wife again. The idea of a third marriage isn’t appealing. Please advise. – Stop Twice in Texas

Dear Stop: I’ve heard from many women who face the opposite situation—you show interest in marriage, and the guy bolts.

Perhaps you haven’t found the right man yet, or maybe your disinterest in marriage is coming across too strongly. Clearly stating what you want might improve your chances. It seems there’s a unique balance between dating and exclusivity.

Advice Needed on a Troubling Family Situation

Dear Abby, I need some advice regarding my daughter. She’s in an abusive marriage, and it’s affecting her four boys, ages 3 to 12.

They are not being properly disciplined and are also experiencing abuse. Her husband is on drugs and mentally and physically mistreats her in front of the children.

Should I let her bring my grandson back into such a harmful environment, or should I contact Child Protective Services? This is truly tearing me apart.

We feel overwhelmed; we aren’t in a position to take care of them full-time, and we might have to consider becoming foster parents.

What should I do? My daughter might lose her heart if she loses them, but I can’t bear to see them suffer. – Warning in Missouri

Dear Arreme: It might be necessary to contact Child Protective Services. If things escalate, don’t hesitate to involve the police.

After he leaves, help her find a shelter that can support her and her children until they can regain independence.

The domestic violence hotline (800-799-7233; thehotline.org) can assist you with this. It’s a better option than placing your grandchild in a stranger’s care.