Florida Man Arrested for Attempting to Beat Drug Test
The Flagler County Sheriff’s Office has charged a Florida man with trying to cheat on a court-ordered drug test, but his plan didn’t quite go as intended.
On July 14, James Shepard, 52, made a critical misstep by driving to submit his urine sample despite having a suspended license. A deputy pulled him over before he could reach his destination, and the sheriff’s office reported that this was part of a felony probation violation stemming from multiple burglaries and thefts. He was arrested for violating probation and then transported to jail.
“Driving with a suspended license is considered a major offense,” noted the sheriff’s office, humorously adding, “Crime number two was tied to his crotch.”
Authorities discovered that Shepard had a “well-equipped Whiznator” strapped around his waist—an ingenious device featuring a fake bladder filled with synthetic urine, a heating pad, and a fake penis. It seems almost comical, right? Sadly for him, a camera in the patrol car captured the moment he discarded the device.
In an odd turn of events, while dealing with a shoulder injury, Shepard was seen reaching into his pants and tossing what he described as a “wet wiener” onto the floor. When the deputy found the Whiznator, Shepard denied any knowledge of it, but the footage seemed to contradict his claims. He now faces charges including driving without a valid license, violation of probation, cheating on a drug test, and tampering with evidence.
Sheriff Rick Staley didn’t hold back his disdain, stating, “This piss-brained dirtbag was already given a lifetime deal and was walking around on top of community control.” He reminded everyone that Shepard had stolen appliances to the point where he could’ve opened an electronics store, yet he squandered his chance to turn his life around.
It does make one wonder: what might have happened if Shepard had arranged for someone else to take him to the drug test? He currently remains in custody without bond, facing a new array of charges.
