Dear Abby:

My husband has four adult children. One is from his first marriage, and the other three are from his late wife. It’s quite the soap opera! Who gets along with whom? Who can’t stand each other? And there’s definitely some tension when one of them visits. They can be best friends one minute and at each other’s throats the next.

Recently, he expressed a desire to have all his children and grandchildren together. In fact, he said something like, “I just want to see all the kids in one room before my funeral.”

With his birthday coming up, I’ve been mulling over the idea of throwing him a surprise party at a restaurant, inviting all his kids and grandkids. I even thought about sending out some texts, sharing his wishes and asking them to come together for a few hours. Just a heads-up, though: if someone can’t make it, they shouldn’t feel pressured to accept the invite.

What do you think, Abby? Should I go ahead with the party, or would it be better if we just had a quiet dinner together? – Stepmother Wants to Peace

Dear Stepmother:

I think bringing your husband’s family together for his milestone birthday is a wonderful idea. Don’t dismiss the plan, even though his kids can sometimes be a handful. Invite everyone, but remind them that this gathering should be about celebration, not airing grievances. Keep your fingers crossed that they’ll rise to the occasion.

Dear Abby:

I’ve been in a relationship with my fiancé for eight years, and I’m five years older than he is. I know he cares about me, but I’m not entirely sure if he’s still in love. He claims he is, but sometimes it feels like he’s just comfortable. The romance seems to have faded away.

I often feel like I’m just here to take care of the household and cater to him. Conversations feel one-sided, always revolving around him. When I express my feelings, things change momentarily, but eventually, we revert back to the same pattern. There are a few good moments, but they’re rare. I really need your input. – Doubt in Michigan

Dear Doubt:

After eight years together, it’s not unusual for the initial passion to wane, and daily life can overshadow the excitement. Perhaps some space could help you both appreciate each other more. A little time apart might just spark something new.

Consider trying some activities together, like day trips or new hobbies. Also, splitting household chores might shift the dynamics a bit—right now, it seems you’re shouldering most of the responsibilities.