Ask A.J. is Slate’s advice column addressing addiction, recovery, and self-acceptance. Submit a question here. It’s anonymous!
Dear A.J.,
I began smoking during high school and managed to quit in April 2023. Unfortunately, I started again over the summer. I found excuses for smoking, like thinking it was fine with certain friends or as a reward for working hard at the gym. Stress from my father’s dementia and his move to a memory care facility contributed too. Now, I feel fully addicted. I recognize the risks of smoking, believe it’s unhealthy, and I’m embarrassed I can’t stop. Yet, I enjoy it a lot. It’s hard to think about health consequences when the world feels so unstable. I really want to stop though. How can I quit for good in 2025?
—Still Smoking Parliaments
Dear Still Smoking,
Honestly, the first feeling I had while reading your message was jealousy. I was a Marlboro Light smoker for most of my life and had a brief encounter with Parliaments (that recessed filter!).
Your attachment to smoking reminds me of my own. It’s infuriating how much we can obsess over something so harmful. A cultural revival of smoking also makes it tempting to pick it up again.
Let’s revisit the negatives, even if you already know them. The reality is that smoking significantly increases your risk of serious health issues, including death. According to the World Health Organization, “Tobacco kills up to half of its users who don’t quit.” Think about it—conditions like emphysema, lung cancer, and heart disease could become reality. My grandmother smoked heavily yet lived to 96. But who knows? Maybe a longer life was possible if she had chosen to quit.
And consider this: do you want your teeth to fall out? Your clothes to smell? Your hair reeking of smoke? A black tongue? It’s quite gross, honestly. And yet—I smoked for nearly 20 years, even when my tongue turned black.
My own journey started in high school, where I switched from smoking to dipping—Skoal, Kodiak Wintergreen—looking to quit. But my gums started to deteriorate, leading me back to cigarettes. I tried nicotine patches, gum, even hypnotism. At one point, I followed a 1980s pamphlet suggesting hot baths and bizarre morning rituals involving cold washcloths. Small snacks and lollipops were recommended for cravings (I went with pretzels and Dum-Dums).
However, I’d usually hold out for three days before slipping back into dipping, only to return to smoking. I tried Wellbutrin, but that made me feel like I was in a sauna while tasting metal all day.
Then there was Chantix, a famous stop-smoking pill that, while effective for some, made me irritable and give in to impulses for sweets and shopping. I ended up smoking again about a month later.
After that, I recognized I would face a slow, painful decline if I didn’t quit.
In 2017, I was about to become a father. Three months before my son was born, I was still smoking but determined to stop. Just days before my 43rd birthday, I picked up Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I had ignored this book for years, the back cover promising nonsense like, No weight gain! No willpower! No withdrawal!
Carr, a British accountant turned self-help figure, transformed through his own struggle with a 100-cigarette-a-day habit. His methods might seem simplistic, but they have worked for many. A lot of people, including famous smokers like Ellen DeGeneres, have found success with his program.
Initially, I was skeptical, even bought some Kodiak just in case cravings hit me hard. But within a few days, it clicked. A sentence that stuck was this: “Smoking only alleviates withdrawal from the previous cigarette, which creates more withdrawal symptoms.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around it—nonsmokers feel that “normal” sensation constantly.
Can you believe it? Feeling good can be as simple as breathing clean air. So reading that book helped me (and it can help you too). Quitting might not be “easy,” but if you can internalize that your true reward lies in living without a cigarette, it shifts your mindset. When the urge hits, just step outside. Take a deep breath. It may not feel as good as a cigarette right away, but it will soon enough.
Still, what struck me most was your line about how it’s hard to think about future health effects when the world seems bleak.
No, I’m not letting you use that as an excuse to harm yourself. If you’re still here, it’s not the time to give up on the world. I understand those feelings. I’ve had late-night panics scrolling through dark corners of the internet too, considering the state of the world. Sure, I’ve thought about smoking again—who wouldn’t in moments of despair?
But you know what? You can help the planet immediately by quitting smoking. The World Health Organization has reported how Big Tobacco is “poisoning our planet.” The entire process of producing cigarettes contributes massively to pollution, releasing around 80 million tons of carbon dioxide each year. So, even in dark times, we can’t neglect our responsibility to contribute positively. Let’s be beacons of hope together. You, me, and even Allen Carr, can do our part to make a difference.
