In 2020, my health deteriorated. It has been a difficult year for all the usual reasons. That was also the year I had my first baby.
Admittedly, the difficult political climate, state-mandated isolation, and media-fueled race riots meant that getting pregnant wasn’t easy. That, combined with the prolonged insomnia from having a difficult birth and a colicky child, left me in a miserable postpartum state.
Where has the sparkle of my life gone? How can I get it back? I realized that if I wanted to be successful in this new profession, I needed to look at motherhood as a skill set in a way.
I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted that I felt like I was drowning in a current that I had no energy to fight back against. More to the point, I was like the cartoon dog in the popular meme, sipping my coffee in the haze as flames rose around me, saying, “This is it.”
Apparently this was also due to motherhood. I knew that some women find it too hard to quit after one or two, but I have more ambitious plans for fertility and obviously want to try more than I currently have. There were plans that required mental and physical resources. So I leaned forward in the mirror and made the proverbial long look.
There I witnessed a troublingly complacent mediocrity. My days lacked structure. My choices lacked discipline. Less than 10 years ago, I was an elite athlete and took pride in my ability to consistently perform at a high level. Why have I made myself so soft?
I loved my children and family, but I forgot what it meant wonderful. Where has the sparkle of my life gone? How can I get it back? I realized that if I wanted to be successful in this new profession, I needed to look at motherhood as a skill set in a way.
Of course, there’s more to it than that, but on a practical level, home economics becomes a habit. I realized that I needed to develop the same level of discipline and dedication that I once did to pursue the sport. So I racked my brain and remembered a principle that had served me very well in the past.
Retraining my brain to be an athlete has helped me become a better mom. This is what worked for me.
start at your level
The first rule of learning a new skill is to accept failure in that skill. Practice is doing something repeatedly, making it bad, then making it worse, and then making it not bad again. Having the humility to endure these initial repetitions leads to competency and ultimately mastery.
Like many of us, I came to despise housework, viewing it as a bunch of mindless chores. In reality, running a household requires careful time management and organization, among other skills that can be learned. Understanding this allowed me to take responsibility for learning how to do it well and be happy with it.
Find a coach
Without Alexander Pushkin there would be no Mikhail Baryshnikov. All true masters of their craft are products of tradition.
As a mom, this means seeking wisdom from friends, elders, and yes, sometimes mom vloggers on YouTube. Leila Lawler, a mother and grandmother to many, has spent years compiling a series of advice for maintaining an orderly and spiritually centered home. ”summa domestica.“I also recommend fly lady method For cleaning and Ina Garten For cooking and hospitality.
accept the sacrifice
Athletes have to train. This means missing out on the fun that their non-athlete peers enjoy. Did skipping all the pool parties give you FOMO? Sure, but also accepting early on that a life lived in pursuit of a certain level of excellence will inevitably set you apart. You told me. I also learned how valuable friendships are with other travelers walking the same narrow path.
Too often our culture indoctrinates us to think of motherhood as a deprivation of freedom, identity, and time. It is far better to understand it as a vocation that requires sacrifice but also offers rich rewards.
Healthy skepticism should not be confused with resentment of excellence. There may be some moms who have actually improved.
cross train
It’s not uncommon for wide receivers to practice ballet to perfect their jumping skills. Carrying out the right types of exercise can not only complement an athlete’s main focus, but also prevent injuries and increase neuroplasticity.
As a mom, I believe in the importance of 1) exercising regularly and 2) maintaining outside hobbies and interests. These may seem like unwanted additions to an already overcrowded life, but investing a little in yourself tends to double your time and energy. Find something that strengthens your body and feeds your mind. For me it’s weightlifting and reading Jane Austen.
We strive for continuous improvement.
What I’ve noticed with every high-level athlete I’ve ever known is that they never rest on their laurels. The best people here always believe they can be a little better.
Should we think of motherhood as a competition? No, not if that means relentlessly comparing ourselves to homesteading influencers who have well-staffed and trusted funds. But healthy skepticism should not be confused with resentment of excellence. There may be some moms who have actually improved. While it’s understandable to reflexively dismiss their posts as showing off, we shouldn’t be so quick to throw out the baby with the bathwater (we can all agree) that (This will lead to lazy parenting.)
Even in unattainable performance, there can be something worth achieving. Perfection is a moving goalpost, but that’s a good thing. Stay the course. Trust the plan. Being a mother, like anything else you have to do, never ceases to amaze you how much there is to know.
