Dear Abby: Feeling Used by Our Daughter

My husband and I absolutely adore our grandkids, who are 7 and 2 years old, but there’s an issue that’s been bothering us. We often feel taken advantage of.

Our daughter and her husband are still technically married, but they lead separate lives. He typically works in town and comes home mostly on weekends.

Her weekends kick off on Fridays when she’s responsible for the kids until he returns, and then she heads back on Sunday evenings when he goes back to work.

Our daughter tends to assume we’ll pick up the children from school or babysitters on Fridays and watch them over the weekend. It’s just expected. If we mention that we can’t help out or have other plans, there’s an explosive reaction. It’s as if the world has come crashing down when she has to change her plans.

We’ve tried to approach her calmly about it, but she often threatens that we won’t see the kids at all. Honestly, we’re worn out and unsure of what to do. – A concerned grandparent in Virginia

Dear Concerned Grandparent:

You should let your daughter know, quite clearly, that you and your husband are worn out and need time for yourselves. She’ll have to find other childcare arrangements on two weekends each month.

It’s essential to remind her that when she chose to start a family, the responsibility for the kids fell squarely on her, not you. You’ve generously provided free childcare for years, which can easily become costly.

I’m not convinced she’ll go so far as to keep you from seeing the kids, as that would be cutting off her own nose to spite her face.

Dear Abby: Loss of My Husband

Three months ago, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic squamous cell carcinoma that originated in his lungs and spread throughout his body.

He passed away last month after a tough battle with this horrible disease. He was a former smoker and worked in a factory where he was exposed to various chemicals.

During his fight, we found out that getting an annual CT scan of the lungs could catch this kind of fatal cancer early.

Unfortunately, his doctors never advised him about this potentially life-saving scan. He, like many, didn’t know how crucial it could be to request such testing.

A CT scan is straightforward, relatively inexpensive, and most insurance usually covers it for up to 15 years after quitting smoking or having similar exposure.

I hope you’ll share this message with readers and encourage anyone at risk to ask their doctors about this important step.

This could mean the difference between early detection and treatment, or facing a severe, life-threatening struggle. – Heartbroken in Indiana

Dear Heartbroken:

I want to extend my sincerest condolences for your loss. I also lost my husband to lung cancer and know just how quietly aggressive it can be. He was diagnosed at stage 4, and though your husband had different circumstances, the impact is still devastating.

I appreciate you bringing attention to the necessity of a CT scan. Readers should take her advice to heart and discuss this vital topic with their doctors.