Dear Abby

I have some amazing female friends I’ve known for a long time. We get together every month for dinner and drinks, usually choosing a restaurant based on who has a birthday that month. There are typically a few places we cycle through.

Sometimes, if one of them picks a certain local quirky spot, I tend to skip out. There’s a guy named “Bob” who, while not charged with anything, broke into my home about twenty years ago, shortly after my first husband passed away. I was there when he came in and even walked into my bedroom while I was changing. When I yelled at him, he claimed he didn’t hear the knock and was just checking on me.

I want nothing to do with Bob, but my friends do. They know what he did and his reputation. Bob is known for buying drinks at the Jolly Bar, along with the owner of his usual hangout. So, everyone (except me) doesn’t seem to mind. When that restaurant is chosen, I end up skipping those evenings because just the idea of it triggers my PTSD.

Some friends have suggested I should just move on. But it’s really hard for me. Any thoughts on how I can manage this? — Wisconsin Victim

Dear Victim: I’m very sorry for what happened. Your feelings are valid, and though Bob never physically harmed you, that fear was very real. One option is to keep refusing to attend those birthday dinners if there’s a chance you’ll run into him. Also, consider how “great” your friend’s choice is in picking that restaurant. If your PTSD feels overwhelming, it might be worth speaking with a mental health professional who has experience in that area.

Another Letter

I’ve been engaged three times, and each time something went wrong that led to the engagement falling apart. Now I’m 38, and I’m not sure if marriage is in my future, but it’s certainly something I dream about. The more I reflect on it, though, the more I worry about the possibility of it slipping away from me. What do you think? Should I maintain hope or put marriage aside for now? — Hope Against Hope in Indiana

Dear Hope: Take some time to figure out what went wrong in those past engagements so you can avoid making the same mistakes. As you do that, focus on crafting a life that excites you—filled with activities, adventures, and new interests. This might help you meet new people. It’s definitely okay to keep hoping for marriage, but being proactive in your life could very well lead you to what you want.