Remembering George Washington’s Mother: An ‘Honored Madam’ as Described by Craig Shirley

Mary Ball Washington: A Misunderstood Figure in American History

Mary Ball Washington, the mother of George Washington, is often misrepresented in American history. Even noted historian Ron Chernow seems to have missed crucial aspects of her life in his work about her son.

Historically, Mary has been depicted as harsh and demanding, perhaps because people generally like to categorize historical figures as either entirely good or bad. It seems we are drawn to simplicity, wanting to assign roles neatly. But this perspective isn’t entirely fair.

Mary was strong—she had to be. After the death of her husband, Augustine, she became a single mother raising six children. The challenges she faced were significant.

The 1700s were tough for women. Not only could they not vote, but owning property was also out of the question. Augustine had passed several farms to his sons, leaving Mary as their caretaker only until they came of age.

In our modern world, there’s a tendency to judge people of the past through a contemporary lens, which can lead to misunderstandings. This misjudgment is particularly common among some modern historians.

While Mary did rely on enslaved individuals, which is a shared trait among many of her peers, her identity and impact go beyond this fact. As the mother of George Washington, she played a crucial role in American history; without him, the Revolutionary War and the creation of the United States might not have unfolded as they did.

Her cousin, Lawrence Washington, once admitted that he often felt more fear from Mary than from his own parents. She was kind yet formidable. As time passed, his memories of her remained deeply emotional and significant.

Mary was not just a mother but also a guiding presence in George’s life. At one point, when George considered working as a steward in England, she sought advice from a relative. The answer was a stern no—British society had strict hierarchies that placed Americans, including her son, at the bottom of the ladder.

During the Revolutionary War, her loyalties were questioned, and understandably so. Her upbringing in a British household had left a strong imprint. George sent letters to his mother rarely during the war, partly due to mistrust of the postal service and concerns about British spies intercepting his messages.

Despite these tensions, Mary was proud of her son and often credited him for her upbringing of principles. However, George made it clear he preferred for her to live apart from him and Martha at Mount Vernon, choosing instead for her to stay with one of his brothers.

Mother-and-son relationships can be complex, and theirs certainly had its ups and downs. Some viewed Mary’s attentiveness as overbearing, yet George recognized her influence on his life and character.

Washington’s letters always addressed her as “Honorable Madam,” a testament to the respect he held for her throughout his life. Mary passed away from breast cancer in her early 80s, despite the dedicated efforts of Dr. Benjamin Rush, a close associate of her son. Her death left many questions unanswered; there’s even ambiguity about her precise birth date and what she actually looked like. The common portrait attributed to her might not accurately represent her at all.

Interestingly, breast cancer has a history in the Ball family. A descendant of Mary’s, an antiques dealer not far from where she grew up, also succumbed to the disease.

George mourned his mother’s passing, but he was also navigating the challenges of establishing a new government in New York at the time. He managed to grieve privately but left for Fredericksburg as soon as he could.