Dear Abby: I am writing to you because I admire your wit and candor. I have been dating a man for 4.5 years. He is 56 and I am 60. We want to live together, get married, have a home just for the two of us, etc.
The only obstacle is a commitment he made years ago to look after his elderly parents and help them continue to live in their home.
At first it was fine waiting for him to finish them and looking forward to our time, I tried to help.
As I am a certified home helper, I moved in with the three of them to his parents’ house, but his mother couldn’t cope.
Even though it was her idea for me to move in, it was clear she didn’t want any of my help. She even went so far as to ban me from “her” kitchen.
I spent six months there sleeping in my own room, away from the person I loved, because in their world, having sex outside of marriage makes you a sinner going to hell.
Of course we were having sex secretly, but apparently it wasn’t secret enough, because his mother was convinced we were having sex in her house and against her rules.
Abby, it was a nightmare, there was a lot more to it but in the end I was kicked out of my house without any warning.
Long story short, I don’t know if I can wait any longer to have the life I want with him. Who knows how long this will last. I’m starting to feel like it’s not going to work out. Any advice? — Unsettled in Washington
Calling all restless people: You and your boyfriend are adults and have the right to have a sex life if you want.
The fact that he allowed his controlling mother to “throw him out of the house without notice” (!) and then didn’t have the courage to tell her that if you left, he would leave too, should have been the wake-up call you needed to move forward.
Four and a half years was a long enough time to wait, and if you want the life you describe, you’ll have a much better chance if you keep looking for single men, because this man clearly isn’t single.
Dear Abby: My son married a woman from Taiwan. She is kind but very uneducated. I have been trying to get along with her for over 10 years, but it has been very difficult. We have nothing in common except for our son.
She barely cooks, cleans or does laundry, speaks poor English, dresses sloppily, has no interest in home, doesn’t celebrate holidays, we are never invited to dinner, we are always the ones hosting. They don’t have children.
My relationship with my son is great, but I’m beginning to dislike my mother. She does very little for my son. I find her desire to save money at the expense of fun to be sad. I don’t know what to do. Please help. — Disappointed in Texas
To all the disappointed people: Well, she is not your ideal wife, and there is a reason why your son married this woman.
The problem is, she he Are you happy? If the answer is yes, put your energy into focusing on that, instead of on your negative feelings towards her.
And when you entertain them, don’t do it reluctantly, he. (And laughs.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
